In Remembrance Of Me

While driving to MacDonalds in today's morning rush hour traffic, my mind started to ruminate.

In my rumination I pictured a church or auditorium - or "bingo in the basement" type of meeting place. There were people present. The purpose of the meeting was to hold a wake for old "J. Bar."

While I am seldom at a loss for words, I wondered as I drove: "What would I like to say to them?"

They held a wake for Marilda, a friend of mine. A friend read Marilly's last comments. As expected, from a truly warm and funny lady, she mentioned everyone favorably and with good humor.

However, she managed to avoid any comment, positive or negative, about her husband, - the widower - who she knew had been cheating on her for years. We looked at him up in the first row, sitting with his latest squeeze - and smiled.

Lacking that sort of will power, I decided my comments would go something like this:"I want to thank you for coming - all six of you - as I know the rest were deterred by the sunny 75 degree weather."

"My request of you is that you can best remember me by doing the following:

When stopped for a unusually long light that has your patience at the breaking point, and the light finally changes to green, would you hurry through the light so that the ones behind you who are equally frustrated , can enjoy the same privilege as yourself?

When sitting in your car behind someone who must be doing at least a months worth of ATM banking - would you please be so kind as to pull your car forward after completing your own transaction - so the guy behind you doesn't have to wait while you count your money - examine the balance - and put the bank card in it's proper location?

Next, before entering the 14 item or less checkout line would you please attempt to count the items in your cart? When you get to 30, could you please consider moving over to one of the lines marked 'greedy pig'?

Failing to find any handicapped parking spaces for yourself -who are planning on running a marathon the following week- when you finish your weeks shopping in the 14 items or less line - could you please not leave your cart in the parking spot you did find and are about to vacate, thus, blocking another from entering it?"

Finally, if you are over 6 foot 3 inches - male or female - and you see anyone doing any of the above - which YOU surely would not do - would you please walk up to the person who did these things - punch the guy in the mouth and say - 'Barry says Hi'?"

"Thank you. That's how I would like to be remembered."

There was something else I wanted to add but the drivers behind me interrrupted my rumination with all that horn honking, yelling, and finger pointing.

"Amen."