AROUND THIS GREAT COUNTRY OF OURS

West Virginia, Charleston: "The Vietnamese potbellied pig that has dodged police and humane officers since October was found in Sue Wagner's yard where she had fed the oinker for months. The pig also made trips to Donut Connection".

(OK, you're a cop going to your favorite supplier of free donuts - and you didn't notice a Potbelly Pig hanging around the coconut cremes? Please do not volunteer for stakeout duties.)
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North Carolina, Waynesville: "Fifteen businesses in the western part of the state have been approved for more than 1 million in low interest loans because of a rock slide in Haywood County that closed Route 40 and impacted on their bottom line."

(So, they don't write business interruption coverage in North Carolina?

"Honest, I never even saw those rocks hanging out over the road when I started my business. Some kids must have put them there later!"

Yeh, then there's the guy who gets stuck in your chimney during a robbery attempt and is now suing you because the chimney wasn't wide enough so as to allow access. And, that will make sense to you, too?)
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Delaware, Symrna: "Police said reports of crime here dropped for the second year in a row in 2009. There were 20,000 calls for police service in 2009 - a 9% drop.

The number of drug or suspicious activity reports spiked by 550% in 2009. Police say there will be "an all-out effort to rid the town of drug crimes this year."

(Anybody figure that people may have been way too busy avoiding gangbangers shooting out their picture windows to be on the phone reporting someone was stealing their TV?)
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Arizona, Flagstaff: "Engineers are putting the final touches on a ultra thin mirror they said will be a crucial part of a new telescope here . The $44 million telescope is expected to be the 5th largest in the continental U.S. and will be used to provide clues to show how the solar system began".)

(Yeah, right. What do you want to bet most of the time it will be facing the Mexican border?)
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Alaska, Juneau: "State senators considered a bill Monday to make hatred, bias and prejudice aggravating factors in crimes committed in the state."

("C'mon gang. She's gone. Get over it!)
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