West Virginia, Charleston: "The Vietnamese potbellied pig that has dodged police and humane officers since October was found in Sue Wagner's yard where she had fed the oinker for months. The pig also made trips to Donut Connection".
(OK, you're a cop going to your favorite supplier of free donuts - and you didn't notice a Potbelly Pig hanging around the coconut cremes? Please do not volunteer for stakeout duties.)
______________________________
North Carolina, Waynesville: "Fifteen businesses in the western part of the state have been approved for more than 1 million in low interest loans because of a rock slide in Haywood County that closed Route 40 and impacted on their bottom line."
(So, they don't write business interruption coverage in North Carolina?
"Honest, I never even saw those rocks hanging out over the road when I started my business. Some kids must have put them there later!"
Yeh, then there's the guy who gets stuck in your chimney during a robbery attempt and is now suing you because the chimney wasn't wide enough so as to allow access. And, that will make sense to you, too?)
_______________________________
Delaware, Symrna: "Police said reports of crime here dropped for the second year in a row in 2009. There were 20,000 calls for police service in 2009 - a 9% drop.
The number of drug or suspicious activity reports spiked by 550% in 2009. Police say there will be "an all-out effort to rid the town of drug crimes this year."
(Anybody figure that people may have been way too busy avoiding gangbangers shooting out their picture windows to be on the phone reporting someone was stealing their TV?)
_____________________________
Arizona, Flagstaff: "Engineers are putting the final touches on a ultra thin mirror they said will be a crucial part of a new telescope here . The $44 million telescope is expected to be the 5th largest in the continental U.S. and will be used to provide clues to show how the solar system began".)
(Yeah, right. What do you want to bet most of the time it will be facing the Mexican border?)
_____________________________
Alaska, Juneau: "State senators considered a bill Monday to make hatred, bias and prejudice aggravating factors in crimes committed in the state."
("C'mon gang. She's gone. Get over it!)
-------------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
RANDOM THOUGHTS
I often wonder about the so-called investigative reporters who write those incredible articles for the weekly super market tabloid publications like: People, US, Star, National Enquirer, etc.
Apparently these writers have a very narrow and specific brand of expertise. It seems when one reveals things like, "President Obama Meets With Barbara Bush in a Virginia Love Nest", - none of the other periodicals even had a clue.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
You got to love the logic of the guy who was appalled at Senator Jim Bunnings stand against additional spending until we had a plan as to how we were going to pay for it - even having the gall to suggest we take it out of unused ill-advised stimulus money.
The guy wrote, "And, now Bunning tried to block a bill because he didn't know where it was going to come from? Where did it come from to wage war in two countries?"
Obviously, the guy wisely finds fault with us taking on large expenditures without knowing how we will pay for them - but, concludes:
"What the heck? We did it before - so why not now?
"Yeh, I did carjack you and beat you up. But, if I hadn't done it - someone else would have."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, the US Postal System is in trouble again. Somebody had the nerve to suggest perhaps they might want to concentrate their efforts on waste within their system.
Don't know how much the P.O. has changed in the past 50 years. Even a college kid lucky enough to work in the Post Office during Christmas and Summer vacations, could have helped the investigators way back then.
After graduating I worked for PNB Bank and went to various government buildings in Pittsburgh to comfirm Bankruptcy & Receivership status as well as perform DSB checks to identify liens and judgments that had been filed.
I had two kids then and one on the way. I couldn't help noticing while doing my investigating that many of the government "employees" (appointees?) read newspapers, magazines, and paperbacks. A few were also knitting things large enough to suggest it might be a Volkswagen.
Now, if the situation is still the same, maybe some government worker could possibly recount his/her whistleblowing stories in a "small" readable book that included a few vampires and some thinly clad women on the cover. Then we'd all be wiser - particularly our kids.
____________________________________
I recently received an E-mail entitled "Why I'm Glad I Am White" ( the subject of a future blog.)
The E-mail attributes all of it's conclusions to actor Michael Richards during a court speech, defending his rantings. I cannot locate any such court case.
Included in the long E-mail is much manifested in the statement: "We're not allowed to call ourselves Whites.".
The rationale is that Whites cannot have : A White Miss America contest - a United White College Fund -a White History month - White Entertainment Television - White Pride Day - A White College -etc, . It states : "if we tried to, you (whoever you are) would call us racists."
The E-mail concludes: We have lost most of our rights in this country because we won't stand up for ourselves! We need to "BE PROUD TO BE WHITE." Their point was that people of color - mainly blacks - could join various organizations to celebrate being black - but, whites couldn't.
Now, I don't know if "Kramer" actually said these things or not. If so, I'd like to call upon some really strange people who owe me favors and then seek out Mr. Richards .
I would tap him on the shoulder, and as the color transformation all over his body was taking place , say, "OK - You be black now, Michael!"
_______________________________
Have a great Monday!
Apparently these writers have a very narrow and specific brand of expertise. It seems when one reveals things like, "President Obama Meets With Barbara Bush in a Virginia Love Nest", - none of the other periodicals even had a clue.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
You got to love the logic of the guy who was appalled at Senator Jim Bunnings stand against additional spending until we had a plan as to how we were going to pay for it - even having the gall to suggest we take it out of unused ill-advised stimulus money.
The guy wrote, "And, now Bunning tried to block a bill because he didn't know where it was going to come from? Where did it come from to wage war in two countries?"
Obviously, the guy wisely finds fault with us taking on large expenditures without knowing how we will pay for them - but, concludes:
"What the heck? We did it before - so why not now?
"Yeh, I did carjack you and beat you up. But, if I hadn't done it - someone else would have."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, the US Postal System is in trouble again. Somebody had the nerve to suggest perhaps they might want to concentrate their efforts on waste within their system.
Don't know how much the P.O. has changed in the past 50 years. Even a college kid lucky enough to work in the Post Office during Christmas and Summer vacations, could have helped the investigators way back then.
After graduating I worked for PNB Bank and went to various government buildings in Pittsburgh to comfirm Bankruptcy & Receivership status as well as perform DSB checks to identify liens and judgments that had been filed.
I had two kids then and one on the way. I couldn't help noticing while doing my investigating that many of the government "employees" (appointees?) read newspapers, magazines, and paperbacks. A few were also knitting things large enough to suggest it might be a Volkswagen.
Now, if the situation is still the same, maybe some government worker could possibly recount his/her whistleblowing stories in a "small" readable book that included a few vampires and some thinly clad women on the cover. Then we'd all be wiser - particularly our kids.
____________________________________
I recently received an E-mail entitled "Why I'm Glad I Am White" ( the subject of a future blog.)
The E-mail attributes all of it's conclusions to actor Michael Richards during a court speech, defending his rantings. I cannot locate any such court case.
Included in the long E-mail is much manifested in the statement: "We're not allowed to call ourselves Whites.".
The rationale is that Whites cannot have : A White Miss America contest - a United White College Fund -a White History month - White Entertainment Television - White Pride Day - A White College -etc, . It states : "if we tried to, you (whoever you are) would call us racists."
The E-mail concludes: We have lost most of our rights in this country because we won't stand up for ourselves! We need to "BE PROUD TO BE WHITE." Their point was that people of color - mainly blacks - could join various organizations to celebrate being black - but, whites couldn't.
Now, I don't know if "Kramer" actually said these things or not. If so, I'd like to call upon some really strange people who owe me favors and then seek out Mr. Richards .
I would tap him on the shoulder, and as the color transformation all over his body was taking place , say, "OK - You be black now, Michael!"
_______________________________
Have a great Monday!
Friday, March 5, 2010
BASEBALL IN 2039.
It is the year 2039 - the bi-centennial of the origin of baseball by Abner Doubleday. Some things have changed - some have remained the same.
Major League Baseball has complete anti-trust protection. The Commissioner presently serves as a member of the Board of Directors for the top three richest baseball teams.
The World Series is now played each year in the Met's new stadium, which is located on what was previously the site of St. Patrick Cathedral.
ACLU discovered some obscure Separation of Church and State law about New York Landmarks. The commissioner's brother-in-law bought the property the next day. ACLU is on the fast track for naming rights. And, oh, the Pirates still have not had a winning season in 46 years.
Blue collar Pittsburgh fans, now convinced the Commisioners office would never help, got together with "The Brotherhoods Of Everything" and the unions shut down all Nutting business holdings - currently and ironically spread over "46" states.
The Pirates owner agreed to a firesale of the team to the citizens. He also agreed to pay off stadium mortage loan #3 which he had insisted in 2030 was the only way to rebuild their minor league system.
The Pirates had become entirely owned by the fans including all major and minor league players. They also had decision making rights previously held by "The Holy Trinity Managment Group"
.
In recognition of Pittsburgh's reputation as the "transfat capital of the world", they wisely purchased concession rights also. Every Tuesday was designated as " Half-Price Pierogi Day".
Despite all this, the citizens recognized they still needed a 21st century Ralph Kiner to keep people in their seats through the bottom of the 9th.
They decided to attempt to purchase the contract of outfielder Herb Goldberg from the N.Y. Yankees. Herb, a rookie sensation, hailed from North Dakota but decided to make a career change early in his life, following that whole mess about the public lynchings in Fargo.
In his first and only season in The Yankee's minor leagues he hit .556, drove in 194 RBI's, and struck 125 homers. The Yankees could not bring him up as they had no room on their roster.
He never played in New York. It seems Herb had a violent allergic reaction to "smut". He therefore could not ride the New York subways, now the only way to reach their stadium. Governor Cuomo, in his 12th term, had transformed all the streets to pedestrian malls and attractive parklets. Both tunnels were now closed to vehicular traffic and had subways running through them.
An offer of helicopter pick-up by the Yankees was turned down by Herb due to a fear of heights . He declared himself a free agent with rights similar to a number one hockey pick. Due to a pending investigation of the St. Patrick's deal, the Commissioner agreed.
Pittsburgh won the Herb lottery but his asking price was 500 million dollars, slightly more than the last repaving of the The Fort Pitt Tunnels.
The citizens baseball finance committee was desperate and tried to identify the most valuable product they could sell to raise money. In a unanimous decision they gave The Greek Orthdox Church and The Pirate Parrot exclusive rights to hold weekly Baklava caravan sales to citizens in all contiguous counties.
No other sales of the pastry were to be allowed for one year. (as expected, there were black market pastries available: $20 for a "Bak", and $15 for a Lava - which was nutless.)
Hundreds of Pittsburgh women with Greek ancestry - all dressed in black dresses - worked night and day baking the pastries and raised the largest part of the $500 million needed.
Herb was everything the Pirate citizen owners could have expected. He led the league in all batting categories. Their record was 50 and 1. The only game they lost was on the day he was not in the lineup. He had inadvertently swallowed a seed from a Farkleberry Tart that had been left on the training table & was resting in Presby.
Herb was truly famous. Gambling was now legal everywhere in the Commonwealth. Beserk citizens, before agreeing to pay their dry cleaning bills, insisted on a coin toss with the merchants, most of whom were willing to go "best 3 out of 5", due to competetion.
Sadly, the BOOG (Brotherly Order of Gamblers) made Herb a ridiculous "under the counter" offer if he would agree to throw games. Herb, who knew you only had so many years of major league baseball in you, accepted both quickly and quietly.
Immediately, the Pirates fell into a prolonged slump, had a record of 60 and 75 and were at risk of having one more losing season. Even Mayor Collier was upset, as he had taken "the over".
The citizens were now highly suspicious and decided to question Herb at a televised meeting on WQED during their bi-weekly fund raiser.
Herb was amazed at the anger of the crowd who were yelling at the top of their lungs, standing on their seats, chewing their brauts, dripping kraut juice on the floor, and wiping their mouths on their sleeves.
The Mayor finally stood up and said: "Look Herb, you were our last hope. - our savior - our personal representative - someone we knew who would reward us for our confidence in you.
We gave you every cent we could raise and campaigned all through Western Pennsylvania for you. Our children went door to door carrying "Help Us Get Herb" buckets. And now, you've ignored us and the needs of our citizens because the "BOOG" gave you more money? We don't understand. How could you do this?"
Herb looked at them, shook his head, and said softly, "Did you forget I was a young Congressman back in North Dakota, before I decided to become a baseball player?"
Major League Baseball has complete anti-trust protection. The Commissioner presently serves as a member of the Board of Directors for the top three richest baseball teams.
The World Series is now played each year in the Met's new stadium, which is located on what was previously the site of St. Patrick Cathedral.
ACLU discovered some obscure Separation of Church and State law about New York Landmarks. The commissioner's brother-in-law bought the property the next day. ACLU is on the fast track for naming rights. And, oh, the Pirates still have not had a winning season in 46 years.
Blue collar Pittsburgh fans, now convinced the Commisioners office would never help, got together with "The Brotherhoods Of Everything" and the unions shut down all Nutting business holdings - currently and ironically spread over "46" states.
The Pirates owner agreed to a firesale of the team to the citizens. He also agreed to pay off stadium mortage loan #3 which he had insisted in 2030 was the only way to rebuild their minor league system.
The Pirates had become entirely owned by the fans including all major and minor league players. They also had decision making rights previously held by "The Holy Trinity Managment Group"
.
In recognition of Pittsburgh's reputation as the "transfat capital of the world", they wisely purchased concession rights also. Every Tuesday was designated as " Half-Price Pierogi Day".
Despite all this, the citizens recognized they still needed a 21st century Ralph Kiner to keep people in their seats through the bottom of the 9th.
They decided to attempt to purchase the contract of outfielder Herb Goldberg from the N.Y. Yankees. Herb, a rookie sensation, hailed from North Dakota but decided to make a career change early in his life, following that whole mess about the public lynchings in Fargo.
In his first and only season in The Yankee's minor leagues he hit .556, drove in 194 RBI's, and struck 125 homers. The Yankees could not bring him up as they had no room on their roster.
He never played in New York. It seems Herb had a violent allergic reaction to "smut". He therefore could not ride the New York subways, now the only way to reach their stadium. Governor Cuomo, in his 12th term, had transformed all the streets to pedestrian malls and attractive parklets. Both tunnels were now closed to vehicular traffic and had subways running through them.
An offer of helicopter pick-up by the Yankees was turned down by Herb due to a fear of heights . He declared himself a free agent with rights similar to a number one hockey pick. Due to a pending investigation of the St. Patrick's deal, the Commissioner agreed.
Pittsburgh won the Herb lottery but his asking price was 500 million dollars, slightly more than the last repaving of the The Fort Pitt Tunnels.
The citizens baseball finance committee was desperate and tried to identify the most valuable product they could sell to raise money. In a unanimous decision they gave The Greek Orthdox Church and The Pirate Parrot exclusive rights to hold weekly Baklava caravan sales to citizens in all contiguous counties.
No other sales of the pastry were to be allowed for one year. (as expected, there were black market pastries available: $20 for a "Bak", and $15 for a Lava - which was nutless.)
Hundreds of Pittsburgh women with Greek ancestry - all dressed in black dresses - worked night and day baking the pastries and raised the largest part of the $500 million needed.
Herb was everything the Pirate citizen owners could have expected. He led the league in all batting categories. Their record was 50 and 1. The only game they lost was on the day he was not in the lineup. He had inadvertently swallowed a seed from a Farkleberry Tart that had been left on the training table & was resting in Presby.
Herb was truly famous. Gambling was now legal everywhere in the Commonwealth. Beserk citizens, before agreeing to pay their dry cleaning bills, insisted on a coin toss with the merchants, most of whom were willing to go "best 3 out of 5", due to competetion.
Sadly, the BOOG (Brotherly Order of Gamblers) made Herb a ridiculous "under the counter" offer if he would agree to throw games. Herb, who knew you only had so many years of major league baseball in you, accepted both quickly and quietly.
Immediately, the Pirates fell into a prolonged slump, had a record of 60 and 75 and were at risk of having one more losing season. Even Mayor Collier was upset, as he had taken "the over".
The citizens were now highly suspicious and decided to question Herb at a televised meeting on WQED during their bi-weekly fund raiser.
Herb was amazed at the anger of the crowd who were yelling at the top of their lungs, standing on their seats, chewing their brauts, dripping kraut juice on the floor, and wiping their mouths on their sleeves.
The Mayor finally stood up and said: "Look Herb, you were our last hope. - our savior - our personal representative - someone we knew who would reward us for our confidence in you.
We gave you every cent we could raise and campaigned all through Western Pennsylvania for you. Our children went door to door carrying "Help Us Get Herb" buckets. And now, you've ignored us and the needs of our citizens because the "BOOG" gave you more money? We don't understand. How could you do this?"
Herb looked at them, shook his head, and said softly, "Did you forget I was a young Congressman back in North Dakota, before I decided to become a baseball player?"
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Honest Injun!
When we were young we were taught a story about a dispute in Western Pennsylvania that had consequences down the road.
It seems that at one time there was a large Indian population in the mountains outside of Pittsburgh , the largest of which was the "Marsupial Indians tribe." It is their history that I share today. The details and names are a little shakey but, I'll tell you what I can.
The Chief of the tribe was allegedly named Indolence. He was middle aged and had been around for a while. He remained fit by leading settler raids from a 5 mile distance . However, it was no secret that if he could arrange the marriage of his beautiful daughter and only child, Running Stream", he might cash in his 401-K and settle down.
Running Stream was very independent. She chose Tuesday to clean her clothes on the rocks and in the stream for which she was named; while the other women were home ironing Monday's wash.
She was stubborn and particularly as it had application to "Big Dude", her dad's marital choice for her. He was the biggest and strongest indian in the Marsupial tribe. She feared she might never survive childbirth and obtaining coverage for a C- section was totally out of the question back then.
Without anyone knowing it, she had begun surreptitiously seeing another brave on her washing day, out of the view of Indolence and the rest of the tribe. Her scrawny but personable suitor wasn't even a Marsupial , but a member of an almost extinct tribe called "The Homex".
This tribe was so small they didn't even have a stream of their own. They had to visit the Marsupial's stream - on off peak days - before riparian rights.
There was some irony here as the name of the brave that Running Stream was meeting was "Falling Rocks". She felt destiny surely brought them together here on her washing day. She also liked it that, due to Falling Rocks's small tribe background, he was not hung up on the usual male and female stereotypes.
He told her he enjoyed doing his own washing. He claimed to be pretty good at teepee cleaning too, and bragged of an absolute Type A personality approach when it came to removing the Buffalo grease from his barbeque grill. He used a formula cleaner that he had invented.
Running Stream was clearly attracted to his many stories and talk of other domestic talents learned from his mother and grandmother, who now ran a trading post in Pittsburgh's Strip District.
She was no dummy. She saw an opportunity to also work outside of the home someday, but, feared their romance was doomed. She hated to tell him this as she kind of liked having him around. He had taught her several new washing techniques that cut the chore in half and was recently walking her through a unique method of folding contour sheets.
Finally, Falling Rocks professed his love for her and asked her to marry him. She felt she had no choice but to explain to her little friend that marriage was out of the question due to her Father's preference - a true indian stud.
Falling Rocks could think of nothing else but wedding Running Stream. He eagerly anticipated his Tuesday morning sessions with her at the stream but was carefully formulating a plan.After several weeks he surprised her and asked to be taken to her Father where he could plead his case.
Running Stream thought, "There goes the Amway gig! I know Daddy will never accept him and when Big Dude hears of this he is surely going to beat the snot out of my beloved."
Despite this, she took Falling Rocks to meet her Dad. Sure enough, he wasn't that thrilled but was getting tired of her stiffing him on the marriage bit. He said, "If your brave can beat Big Dude in a fight I will agree to that marriage". He did this only after receiving the reluctant promise from Running Stream that should he lose, she must marry Big Dude.
Indolence was no dummy. He saw that Big Dude was the larger brave by almost three to one. A typical male, the chief figured he might finally have a worthy male heir and a good succesion.
The fight was scheduled for the following Tuesday at noon. All were in attendance and Big Dude quickly gained the upper hand. He almost pinned Falling Rocks twenty-six times but the quicker and skinnier brave kept squeezing out of his hold.
Finally, as Big Dude was rushing toward him at Jim Thorpe speed, Falling Rocks reached into his secret loincloth pocket and threw a handful of several crushed cleansing pellets into his face. Big Dude screamed. Blinded, he fell into a hole filled with upright spears that Falling Rocks had cleverly constructed late the previous evening.
Big Dude died instantly. The Chief, Indolence, went berserk and ordered his braves to kill Falling Rocks.
The victorious brave was not only wise but swift. He had devised a clever escape route that would allow him to outdistance the other braves and flee to an area around the lower rim of the mountains. Off he went.
They hunted him for days but came back empty handed. Running Stream wore sackcloth and ashes for a year, leaving the reservation only occasionally with a few tools carefully hidden under her mourning outfit.
Despite the passage of time she remained unwilling to give up in her search for her lover.
Even now it is still quite common for folks traveling on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, a road that was cut through the mountains, to see signs reminding them of this unrequited love story.
The signs say simply: "Watch Out For Falling Rocks."
It seems that at one time there was a large Indian population in the mountains outside of Pittsburgh , the largest of which was the "Marsupial Indians tribe." It is their history that I share today. The details and names are a little shakey but, I'll tell you what I can.
The Chief of the tribe was allegedly named Indolence. He was middle aged and had been around for a while. He remained fit by leading settler raids from a 5 mile distance . However, it was no secret that if he could arrange the marriage of his beautiful daughter and only child, Running Stream", he might cash in his 401-K and settle down.
Running Stream was very independent. She chose Tuesday to clean her clothes on the rocks and in the stream for which she was named; while the other women were home ironing Monday's wash.
She was stubborn and particularly as it had application to "Big Dude", her dad's marital choice for her. He was the biggest and strongest indian in the Marsupial tribe. She feared she might never survive childbirth and obtaining coverage for a C- section was totally out of the question back then.
Without anyone knowing it, she had begun surreptitiously seeing another brave on her washing day, out of the view of Indolence and the rest of the tribe. Her scrawny but personable suitor wasn't even a Marsupial , but a member of an almost extinct tribe called "The Homex".
This tribe was so small they didn't even have a stream of their own. They had to visit the Marsupial's stream - on off peak days - before riparian rights.
There was some irony here as the name of the brave that Running Stream was meeting was "Falling Rocks". She felt destiny surely brought them together here on her washing day. She also liked it that, due to Falling Rocks's small tribe background, he was not hung up on the usual male and female stereotypes.
He told her he enjoyed doing his own washing. He claimed to be pretty good at teepee cleaning too, and bragged of an absolute Type A personality approach when it came to removing the Buffalo grease from his barbeque grill. He used a formula cleaner that he had invented.
Running Stream was clearly attracted to his many stories and talk of other domestic talents learned from his mother and grandmother, who now ran a trading post in Pittsburgh's Strip District.
She was no dummy. She saw an opportunity to also work outside of the home someday, but, feared their romance was doomed. She hated to tell him this as she kind of liked having him around. He had taught her several new washing techniques that cut the chore in half and was recently walking her through a unique method of folding contour sheets.
Finally, Falling Rocks professed his love for her and asked her to marry him. She felt she had no choice but to explain to her little friend that marriage was out of the question due to her Father's preference - a true indian stud.
Falling Rocks could think of nothing else but wedding Running Stream. He eagerly anticipated his Tuesday morning sessions with her at the stream but was carefully formulating a plan.After several weeks he surprised her and asked to be taken to her Father where he could plead his case.
Running Stream thought, "There goes the Amway gig! I know Daddy will never accept him and when Big Dude hears of this he is surely going to beat the snot out of my beloved."
Despite this, she took Falling Rocks to meet her Dad. Sure enough, he wasn't that thrilled but was getting tired of her stiffing him on the marriage bit. He said, "If your brave can beat Big Dude in a fight I will agree to that marriage". He did this only after receiving the reluctant promise from Running Stream that should he lose, she must marry Big Dude.
Indolence was no dummy. He saw that Big Dude was the larger brave by almost three to one. A typical male, the chief figured he might finally have a worthy male heir and a good succesion.
The fight was scheduled for the following Tuesday at noon. All were in attendance and Big Dude quickly gained the upper hand. He almost pinned Falling Rocks twenty-six times but the quicker and skinnier brave kept squeezing out of his hold.
Finally, as Big Dude was rushing toward him at Jim Thorpe speed, Falling Rocks reached into his secret loincloth pocket and threw a handful of several crushed cleansing pellets into his face. Big Dude screamed. Blinded, he fell into a hole filled with upright spears that Falling Rocks had cleverly constructed late the previous evening.
Big Dude died instantly. The Chief, Indolence, went berserk and ordered his braves to kill Falling Rocks.
The victorious brave was not only wise but swift. He had devised a clever escape route that would allow him to outdistance the other braves and flee to an area around the lower rim of the mountains. Off he went.
They hunted him for days but came back empty handed. Running Stream wore sackcloth and ashes for a year, leaving the reservation only occasionally with a few tools carefully hidden under her mourning outfit.
Despite the passage of time she remained unwilling to give up in her search for her lover.
Even now it is still quite common for folks traveling on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, a road that was cut through the mountains, to see signs reminding them of this unrequited love story.
The signs say simply: "Watch Out For Falling Rocks."
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The more things change - - - - -
The other day, I sent a note to my sister-in-law out in Arizona regarding political corruption.
I used Rep. Charles Rangel as an illustration. When Charlie recently heard that the House Ethics panel found him guilty of taking himself and his associates on freebie Caribbean trips, but did not censure him, his response was,"That's disturbing".
As I suggested to Doris - or "D" : "Charlie, it's disturbing to a lot of us."
Today in The USA Today (on page 4) - there is a headline: "Watchdog Group seek revamp of ethic rules". The article briefly addresses the concerns of independent groups regarding the failure of congressional ethics folks to act responsibly . ("H-E-L-L-O?")
Sadly, this popular paper chose not to give more attention to a situation that is the very epitome of why we as citizens sometimes wonder if we are doomed to live in the world of "Catch 22".
Then, I recalled the wonderful satire of cartoonist Alfred Gerald Caplin, known to us old folks as Al Capp. Al was a curmudgeon who often made fun of political figures in the 40's thru the 70's via his popular Lil Abner comic strip. I devoured it seven days a week.
One of Capps many Lil Abner characters was Senator Jack S (say it fast) Phogbound. The good Senator was suggested to be a "corrupt and a conspiratorial blowhard". In the comic strip he is seen wearing a coonskin hat and carrying a ramrod rifle to show he remains a " trustworthy good old boy", worthy of the folks in Dogpatch - Lil Abner's Kentucky home.
Another Capp character was General Bullmoose who was characterized as "the epitome of a ruthless capitalist." Bullmoose's motto was, "What's good for Bullmoose is good for the USA!"
The accusations against Charlie and other congressional figures were that they were inappropriately accepting money from corporations and lobbyists. The Independent Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE) investigated and made a referral to the long standing House ethics panel ,which is controlled by members of Congress. ("Mr. Fox, welcome to my henhouse.")
The OCE "referred' instead of "confronted" because Congress, in their infinite wisdom, gave them no subpoena power. It appears they can only confront alleged violators by "gumming them to death."
The OCE was established after the House passed ethics rules in 2007 following Nancy Pelosi's observation that there was a "culture of corruption" in existance. (Sorry Nance, didn't work.")
This past Friday the House ethics panel exonerated a dozen lawmakers in two separate investigations and never interviewed any of the accused.
The OCE , in making the referral, had in one instance "probable cause" that Representative Pete Viscloskey "took donations in a manner that suggested contributions were linked to official actions." "Petey", a member of the House Appropriations Committee, held a 2008 fundraiser attended by his top aides and defense contractors a week before he requested contracts for some of those same donors.
"General Bullmose - I'd like you to meet Senator Jack S. Phogbound" - might well have been one of Al Capps panels. He would then no doubt have correctly viscerated both men and the political environment in which they operate.
Alphonse Karr said, "The more things change - the more they remain the same".
But, it was more fun when Al Capp was involved.
Maybe that's because - back then - we were involved too.
I used Rep. Charles Rangel as an illustration. When Charlie recently heard that the House Ethics panel found him guilty of taking himself and his associates on freebie Caribbean trips, but did not censure him, his response was,"That's disturbing".
As I suggested to Doris - or "D" : "Charlie, it's disturbing to a lot of us."
Today in The USA Today (on page 4) - there is a headline: "Watchdog Group seek revamp of ethic rules". The article briefly addresses the concerns of independent groups regarding the failure of congressional ethics folks to act responsibly . ("H-E-L-L-O?")
Sadly, this popular paper chose not to give more attention to a situation that is the very epitome of why we as citizens sometimes wonder if we are doomed to live in the world of "Catch 22".
Then, I recalled the wonderful satire of cartoonist Alfred Gerald Caplin, known to us old folks as Al Capp. Al was a curmudgeon who often made fun of political figures in the 40's thru the 70's via his popular Lil Abner comic strip. I devoured it seven days a week.
One of Capps many Lil Abner characters was Senator Jack S (say it fast) Phogbound. The good Senator was suggested to be a "corrupt and a conspiratorial blowhard". In the comic strip he is seen wearing a coonskin hat and carrying a ramrod rifle to show he remains a " trustworthy good old boy", worthy of the folks in Dogpatch - Lil Abner's Kentucky home.
Another Capp character was General Bullmoose who was characterized as "the epitome of a ruthless capitalist." Bullmoose's motto was, "What's good for Bullmoose is good for the USA!"
The accusations against Charlie and other congressional figures were that they were inappropriately accepting money from corporations and lobbyists. The Independent Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE) investigated and made a referral to the long standing House ethics panel ,which is controlled by members of Congress. ("Mr. Fox, welcome to my henhouse.")
The OCE "referred' instead of "confronted" because Congress, in their infinite wisdom, gave them no subpoena power. It appears they can only confront alleged violators by "gumming them to death."
The OCE was established after the House passed ethics rules in 2007 following Nancy Pelosi's observation that there was a "culture of corruption" in existance. (Sorry Nance, didn't work.")
This past Friday the House ethics panel exonerated a dozen lawmakers in two separate investigations and never interviewed any of the accused.
The OCE , in making the referral, had in one instance "probable cause" that Representative Pete Viscloskey "took donations in a manner that suggested contributions were linked to official actions." "Petey", a member of the House Appropriations Committee, held a 2008 fundraiser attended by his top aides and defense contractors a week before he requested contracts for some of those same donors.
"General Bullmose - I'd like you to meet Senator Jack S. Phogbound" - might well have been one of Al Capps panels. He would then no doubt have correctly viscerated both men and the political environment in which they operate.
Alphonse Karr said, "The more things change - the more they remain the same".
But, it was more fun when Al Capp was involved.
Maybe that's because - back then - we were involved too.
In Remembrance Of Me
While driving to MacDonalds in today's morning rush hour traffic, my mind started to ruminate.
In my rumination I pictured a church or auditorium - or "bingo in the basement" type of meeting place. There were people present. The purpose of the meeting was to hold a wake for old "J. Bar."
While I am seldom at a loss for words, I wondered as I drove: "What would I like to say to them?"
They held a wake for Marilda, a friend of mine. A friend read Marilly's last comments. As expected, from a truly warm and funny lady, she mentioned everyone favorably and with good humor.
However, she managed to avoid any comment, positive or negative, about her husband, - the widower - who she knew had been cheating on her for years. We looked at him up in the first row, sitting with his latest squeeze - and smiled.
Lacking that sort of will power, I decided my comments would go something like this:"I want to thank you for coming - all six of you - as I know the rest were deterred by the sunny 75 degree weather."
"My request of you is that you can best remember me by doing the following:
When stopped for a unusually long light that has your patience at the breaking point, and the light finally changes to green, would you hurry through the light so that the ones behind you who are equally frustrated , can enjoy the same privilege as yourself?
When sitting in your car behind someone who must be doing at least a months worth of ATM banking - would you please be so kind as to pull your car forward after completing your own transaction - so the guy behind you doesn't have to wait while you count your money - examine the balance - and put the bank card in it's proper location?
Next, before entering the 14 item or less checkout line would you please attempt to count the items in your cart? When you get to 30, could you please consider moving over to one of the lines marked 'greedy pig'?
Failing to find any handicapped parking spaces for yourself -who are planning on running a marathon the following week- when you finish your weeks shopping in the 14 items or less line - could you please not leave your cart in the parking spot you did find and are about to vacate, thus, blocking another from entering it?"
Finally, if you are over 6 foot 3 inches - male or female - and you see anyone doing any of the above - which YOU surely would not do - would you please walk up to the person who did these things - punch the guy in the mouth and say - 'Barry says Hi'?"
"Thank you. That's how I would like to be remembered."
There was something else I wanted to add but the drivers behind me interrrupted my rumination with all that horn honking, yelling, and finger pointing.
"Amen."
In my rumination I pictured a church or auditorium - or "bingo in the basement" type of meeting place. There were people present. The purpose of the meeting was to hold a wake for old "J. Bar."
While I am seldom at a loss for words, I wondered as I drove: "What would I like to say to them?"
They held a wake for Marilda, a friend of mine. A friend read Marilly's last comments. As expected, from a truly warm and funny lady, she mentioned everyone favorably and with good humor.
However, she managed to avoid any comment, positive or negative, about her husband, - the widower - who she knew had been cheating on her for years. We looked at him up in the first row, sitting with his latest squeeze - and smiled.
Lacking that sort of will power, I decided my comments would go something like this:"I want to thank you for coming - all six of you - as I know the rest were deterred by the sunny 75 degree weather."
"My request of you is that you can best remember me by doing the following:
When stopped for a unusually long light that has your patience at the breaking point, and the light finally changes to green, would you hurry through the light so that the ones behind you who are equally frustrated , can enjoy the same privilege as yourself?
When sitting in your car behind someone who must be doing at least a months worth of ATM banking - would you please be so kind as to pull your car forward after completing your own transaction - so the guy behind you doesn't have to wait while you count your money - examine the balance - and put the bank card in it's proper location?
Next, before entering the 14 item or less checkout line would you please attempt to count the items in your cart? When you get to 30, could you please consider moving over to one of the lines marked 'greedy pig'?
Failing to find any handicapped parking spaces for yourself -who are planning on running a marathon the following week- when you finish your weeks shopping in the 14 items or less line - could you please not leave your cart in the parking spot you did find and are about to vacate, thus, blocking another from entering it?"
Finally, if you are over 6 foot 3 inches - male or female - and you see anyone doing any of the above - which YOU surely would not do - would you please walk up to the person who did these things - punch the guy in the mouth and say - 'Barry says Hi'?"
"Thank you. That's how I would like to be remembered."
There was something else I wanted to add but the drivers behind me interrrupted my rumination with all that horn honking, yelling, and finger pointing.
"Amen."
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Just a Little Thing, but - - -
It has been my good fortune to be the Father of 4 kids and the grandfather of 9. I will always be grateful to their Mom who is grandmother to this complete baseball team roster.
That's a lot of babies. Now, due to my wife Phyllis, her son Ethan, and daughter-in-love Jenn, another baby has entered my life: Liam.
A photo of him - under a month old - striking the pose of Rodin's " The Thinker", presently serves as my computer screen saver. Although there is no Sullivan blood flowing through this little guy, I say hello and goodbye to him at least once a day.
I'm a sucker for little kids and will stop dead in my tracks in a restaurant, at a mall, or while window shopping -just to watch their antics.
Unfortunately, nowadays, one finds that any overt recognition by a man of the presence of a child - or his making an attempt to communicate with them - will often be greeted with displeasure on the part of Mom.
It's a shame, but, it's understandable. Things have changed - drastically.
There are many communities where a door cannot be kept unlocked, a child untethered, or the smile of a stranger ignored. It is easily understood how a young mother learns to adopt the advice from Hill Street Blues:"Hey, let's be careful out there!"
What is not as easily understood is how any adult would pick a child as his/her predatory target. Perhaps, I've caught too many episodes of Steve Wilkos but, that totally disgusts me.
There is no naivite in that comment. I have probably studied human behavior more than "the average bear" Despite that, I'm convinced they should never be given a second or third chance to repeat their sick activities. One only has to observe firsthand what molestation did to some really fine people.
Back to the good stuff.
There is nothing like the "clean wholesome" feeling you receive in holding a new baby's cheek next to your own or smelling that new young skin. For me, it brings back a lot of good memories.
.
It's puzzling to me why Johnson & Johnson has not developed and marketed a fragrance that they named "Eau de clean baby".
The word "clean" is inserted in the quote to acknowledge anybody who has changed the diaper of a baby who has consumed a combination of strained peas and squash.
Of all God's many gifts to us, that "little thing" - has to be in my top five.
That's a lot of babies. Now, due to my wife Phyllis, her son Ethan, and daughter-in-love Jenn, another baby has entered my life: Liam.
A photo of him - under a month old - striking the pose of Rodin's " The Thinker", presently serves as my computer screen saver. Although there is no Sullivan blood flowing through this little guy, I say hello and goodbye to him at least once a day.
I'm a sucker for little kids and will stop dead in my tracks in a restaurant, at a mall, or while window shopping -just to watch their antics.
Unfortunately, nowadays, one finds that any overt recognition by a man of the presence of a child - or his making an attempt to communicate with them - will often be greeted with displeasure on the part of Mom.
It's a shame, but, it's understandable. Things have changed - drastically.
There are many communities where a door cannot be kept unlocked, a child untethered, or the smile of a stranger ignored. It is easily understood how a young mother learns to adopt the advice from Hill Street Blues:"Hey, let's be careful out there!"
What is not as easily understood is how any adult would pick a child as his/her predatory target. Perhaps, I've caught too many episodes of Steve Wilkos but, that totally disgusts me.
There is no naivite in that comment. I have probably studied human behavior more than "the average bear" Despite that, I'm convinced they should never be given a second or third chance to repeat their sick activities. One only has to observe firsthand what molestation did to some really fine people.
Back to the good stuff.
There is nothing like the "clean wholesome" feeling you receive in holding a new baby's cheek next to your own or smelling that new young skin. For me, it brings back a lot of good memories.
.
It's puzzling to me why Johnson & Johnson has not developed and marketed a fragrance that they named "Eau de clean baby".
The word "clean" is inserted in the quote to acknowledge anybody who has changed the diaper of a baby who has consumed a combination of strained peas and squash.
Of all God's many gifts to us, that "little thing" - has to be in my top five.
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