JUST JOKING AROUND

Lindsay Lohan was released from jail after spending 13 days of her 90 day jail sentence.

Apparently , the tougher punishment was meted out because of the adverse publicity over her admitting to using drugs the first time and then serving 87 minutes jail time.

Supposedly the cruel and inhuman punishment of the 13 days in the pokey was followed by the judge's order that she go straight to a 90 day rehabilitation facility. The early release was due to her "good behavior"and crowded prison conditions.

Had a friend once who was doing drugs and served a 3 year sentence where his mother visited him each weekend and occasionally he got to see his new baby.

Lindsay, better get your act together. They're obviously cracking down. Just a word of caution: "If you don't pay your exorcist - you get repossessed."
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Was reading about the Russian Spy Ring and was reminded of the year 1985 being designated as "The Year Of The Spy"

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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Recently was advised by a friend of the importance of enjoying life and taking a few chances. One example of the significance of failing to do so was her question: "Did they ever determine the number of passengers on The Titanic who skipped dessert at dinner?"

Another E-mail just received was a "repeat - worth repeating":

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

The Italians drink a lot of wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

The Germans drink a lot of beer, eat a lot of sausages & fats - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you want. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

Maybe those illegal immigrants in our country are on to something.

Remember: practice safe eating- always use condiments.
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Another E-mail sent to me informs that there is an oriental doctor out there who preaches this philosophy on the subject of good physical health:

"Your heart only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer, it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap."

When asked if swimming was good for your figure he replied, "If swimming good for your figure - explain whale to me!"

Just how much money do we owe China?

[please don't go getting all politically correct on me if you still remember "a Paddy wagon"}
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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office, "Is it true, she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so", responded the doctor.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering then, just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked 'no refills"?

THE OLDER WE GET, THE FEWER THINGS SEEM WORTH WAITING IN LINE FOR.
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Is it true that when two egotists meet it's an I for an I?

Happy Monday! Enjoy!