THE FRENCH CONNECTION

"You know your country is dying when you have to make a distinction between what is moral and ethical and what is legal." - John De Armond


Traditionally - at least long after D-Day - we have had a tendency to be suspicious of those who we often referred to as our "French Allies".

Cultural differences and politics have often been the cause of the rift between the two countries.

Many Americans seem to make an adjustment to their thinking only when the "New Beaujolais" hits our wine stores and our favorite local French restaurant.

For those of you who favor a non-alcohol consumption stance you are still free to abhor anything French.

In our last blog we addressed the ADHD diagnosis and a difference in treatment conclusions by France and our own country.

As you can assume from the comments above, many folks - particularly those who mistakedly won't even consume french fries or french toast in order to demonstrate their enmity - a difference in our medical approach to treating ADHD is no more of a surprise than the perceived difference in morality for the two countries.

In reading Dr. Marilyn Wedge's article in a recent "Psychology Today" I was struck by another cultural difference that she believes is contributing to the smaller percentage of ADHD diagnoses in France. It is that which pertains to the way we administer discipline to our children.

Warning: For anybody who has taken the time to study statistical conclusions it would be apparent the difference in the numbers of diagnosed ADHD cases may simply be based upon the way the numbers are compiled and what it takes in France to qualify your kid as ADHD.

Wedge reports a couple of distinctions in France. I was most impressed by the dietary rules in the two countries - and no - it doesn't have anything to do with possibly serving wine to French kids with their meals.

It is much more basic. Wedge bases many of her conclusions on the observations of  therapist Pamela Druckerman in her recent book, "Bringing Up Bebe."

Druckerman has determined "French children are generally better behaved than their American counterparts. "Whoa. That's a mouthful all by itself - but, it gets better." (depending on your point of view).

It also raises a question or two. Like, not having read the book, we have to be curious to determine at what age many of these "well behaved' children go through the Jekyl/Hyde transformation, grow into adults, and perceive all of us as Ugly Americans.

It is said by the authors that the behavioral differences of the children in the two countries are due to the varying child raising approaches.

The French allegedly provide their children with a firm "cadre" (frame or structure) particularly - but not limited to - how it has application to the consumption of snacks by the kids.

 "Children are not allowed, for example, to snack whenever they want. Meal times are at four specific times of the day. French children (reportedly) learn to wait patiently for their meals, rather than eating snack foods whenever they feel like it."

Furthermore. "French parents let their babies "cry it out" if they are not sleeping through the night by the age of  'four months'.

Despite this observation, Druckerman suggests that French parents love their children every bit as much as we do.

She offers as proof that they give them piano lessons, take them to sports practice, and encourage them to make the most of their  talents. (that seems to have worked well for the French born San Antonio Spurs Tony Parker.)

But, Druckerman believes the key to the way the French raise their kids is that they have an entirely different philosphy as to discipline: "Consistently enforced limits, in the French view, make children feel safe and secure. Clear limits, they believe, actually make a child feel happier and safer - something that is congruent with my own experience as both a therapist and a parent."

Druckerman, concludes: "French parents believe that hearing the word 'no' rescues children from 'the tyranny of their own desires. And spanking, when used judiciously, is not considered child abuse in France."

(If any of my children are reading this, be assured your Mom and I did not spend any time in France, although it may appear so. We decided to pitch the Dr. Spock manual - but did agree with him that the "one size fits all approach" in child raising was wrong.)

Why do the two therapists believe the French child raising techniques work?

They are convinced that "French children do not need medications to control their behavior because they learn self-control early in their lives.

They add, "This is because they grow up in families in which the rules are well understood and a clear family hierarchy is firmly in place."

And the crusher: "Parents are firmly in charge of  their kids - instead of the American family style - in which the situation is all too often vice versa."

The therapists (author's) conclusions as to proper therapeutic approaches are definitely more Gestalt oriented than our softer Rogerian approach - which often allows the patient/client to determine when they are cured."

My experience has been there is a reason for many types of therapeutic approaches and techniques for child raising. Each patient/client is different - as are their kids.

However,  this is the first time I have heard that a firm disciplinary approach can beget a positive medical consequence by reducing the explosion of ADHD diagnoses in this country.

Interesting conclusion.