GOLF HUMOR

How often do we hear the golf jokes about Moses, Abraham, & Jesus  - or a Priest, Minister, and a Rabii-  or sometimes, a lawyer, an accountant, and a funeral director?

Actually, that last one was pretty funny; but certainly not one to repeat in these august ramblings.

Golf lends itself to funny jokes. Usually when females hear them they are quick to agree, "Yeah, that's men, okay!"

Here are a couple of my favorites:

A husband and a wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack.

"Help me dear,", she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cellphone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.

"I'm dying here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here? she asks feebly.

"No time at all," replies her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
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The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
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But, sometimes the females get their chance too:

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3 iron while standing over a lifeless man..

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes", says the woman.

"Looking at the battered body, he asks "Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did ." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know - - -  put me down for a five."
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Then we have the church related jokes. Here are two:

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par 3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"

The young man says, "An 8-iron, Father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron, dribbles the ball out a few yards and is obviously disappointed..

The young man says, "I don't know about you, Father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."
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A golfer tees up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees that he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
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Finally, the reason we men find golf so much easier than playing chess:

A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson,"You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course.

"What's your secret?"

Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
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Enjoy your game and try to retain a good sense of humor.