2012 DARWIN AWARD WINNER

Occasionally, friends like Karen Sutch, will send along a topic that cries out to be included in my blog.

This time it was the announcement of the 2012 Darwin Award:

(Arkansas Democrat Gazette):

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.

Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after Midnight Monday.

Thurston Poole 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older- model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column.

Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White Water Bridge.

After travelling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles.

The vehicle swerved sharply to the  right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree.

Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Pooles wife) asked how many  frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did in fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)

OK, admittedly I did not check this out on any fact finding resource but I will offer something I recently did read in Wednesday's USA Today:

 Connecticut - Bridgepoint: "City officials have placed a security guard on paid leave for allegedly waving a toy gun at co-workers in the cafeteria of the city's Health Department. Authorities told News 12 Conneticut that April Robles pretended to shoot people earlier this month."

Question (1): Does April carry a  real weapon in order to properly discharge her responsibilities as a security guard - in Connecticut?

Question (2): What sort of a security check was conducted before hiring this security guard?

Question (3): As it appears April - the security guard - is on paid leave - would it be considered a conflict of interest if she applied to be hired as  an armed security guard in a Connecticut elementary school?

Question (4): Will we ever get it right?

The Darwin Award Winner program will probably always be alive and well.

Question (5): "Will we?"

YES INDEED, I AM THE WORLDS BIGGEST @#$%^&

Last November I wrote about the disaster of accepting an unsolicited credit card from one of the most well known merchants in the country. After receiving it - and acknowledging same by phone - shortly thereafter, I received a bill for a "$25 rewards fee". Itin a came with a pre-dunning warning that failure to pay it timely manner would result in a $35 late charge. I had never "ever" been advised there was a charge for entering their rewards program and took an action that adequately matched my mood at the time. Today, capitalism once again raised it's ugly head. I think i heard the sound of rattles. I went on-line with my bank - one of the largest -and with whom I have been a loyal customer for several years. By last count my wife and I have a good amount of accounts with them - at least enough that we have never received a request to pay for either our checking accounts or safety deposit boxes since signing on. Now, you might say, "There's a loyal bank customer who has invested in the bank of his choice as well as fulfilling a earnest desifre to support the economy. I say "support the economy" because I know the balances of the CD accounts as well as the miniscule interest paid by this instituion for the privilege of holding on to and using our money to further their own gains. Despite that knowledge, today I decided to "approach the slippery slope" called banking. Let me explain. If you have a mailbox or a television I'm sure you are being inundated with requests to accept a new credit card. the new spiel includes a promises to pay you cash back in exchange for your purchases. You see they can do that now as the government has given this bank a lot of money in exchange for their promise to no longer defraud their customers. Appaently, the only other caveat is that no matter what record profits they may be making with this taxpayer money - they are not permitted to increase the interest rate they pay on CD's. Most of these offers have gone directly into our shredder. Today though - as I was about to perform my normal online banking- I paused to review my bank's most recent offer of their cash back program - in order to be able to access my accounts. The bank offered a three tier cash return with a guarantee of $100 should I spend $500 on purchases within a certain period. Each of the tiers - offering from 1% to 3% reimbursement were in categories for which my wife and I make purchases each month in an amount that would pretty well guarantee the receipt of our $100 reimbursement plus the cash percentage feedback. The solicitation made it clear that by answering a few simple questions - nothing out of the ordinary - and agreeing to the terms and conditions - the approval would be almost instantaneous. I thought, "Why not? It's my bank. They certainly know me. They seem to enjoy our decision to make those 3 direct deposits to them each month. They also have never complained about our decision to maintain several accounts with them." So, I dutifully completed the application - agreed to the terms and conditions - submitted it and awaited what I was sure would be instant approval similar to what I have experienced commensurate with our credit rating. The response I received went something like this:"Your business is appreciated and careful consideration is being given to your request, but an instant decision cannot be provided at this time. You will receive a written request within the next 30 days with further information." I screamed at my laptop, "What further information?" First, it was a simple solicitation that interfered with my immediate access to my on-line accounts. second, they solicited me - not the other way around. Now they have to study it?" My pride was surely hurt. They also offered an in chat screen that popped up - again w/o my request. That didn't work so well either. I immediately typed in, "Please cancel my application." That's when the banking industry's idea of "Customer Service" uncoiled itself. I was told they couldn't pull up my app. This was after a considerable delay in exchanged on line chat messages with someone who i believed identified herself as Axis Annie. Annie then gave me a number I could call that would go directly to the solicitation people. You guessed it. Despite my efforts I never spoke to someone as my request did not fit within any of their recorded prompts. I tried two of them. Both insisted on my account # - which I did not have - as I was awaiting the banks 30 day approval notice I pressed "O" "OO" "OOO" - whatever I could think of to awaken a live person. I re-called and entered the remaining prompt choices in an attempt to speak to someone. Much to my surprise a person answered and told me she was Eva Braun. Eva said unfortunately she could not assist me but would give me the "direct number" to the solicitation folks so i could cancel my request. I thanked her and offered my personal blessing that all of her future children would be born naked and then excitedly I dialed the number. Again, no person - just the same three prompts with which I had wrestled with and was pinned three times. I got clever and punched in a number that I think was 69 Or maybe 70. Anyway, someone or something answered. In my confusion I believed it to be a prompt that might have corresponded to one that asked if I was inquiring about the status of my account request. I said I did, ignoring the fact that neither my pulse nor my breathing were even close to steady at this point. The voice or recording then requested personal information similar to that I filled out on the on-line form It was then I heard:"You will receive a response within the next 30 days - - -" There is a legitimate reason why I would not go out and purchase a handgun at this time in my life. Simply put, "I AM INDEED THE WORLDS BIGGEST @#$%^&

WORDS THAT IMPRESS

Recently, my brother-in-law Mike Galdino sent me an e-mail that I treasure. I would like to share it with you. Mike attributes it's content to Lou Klein, an individual with whom I am not familiar.

1. Walk 10 to 30 minutes every day and smile when you
    walk.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes every day. Lock
    yourself in if necessary.

3. Listen to good music every day - it is true food for the
    spirit.

4. When you wake up each morning say the following:
    today my goal is _________________________.

5. Live the three E's : Energy - Enthusiasm - and
    Empathy.

6. Play more games than last year.

7. Read more books than last year.

8. Look at the sky at least once a day and realize in what
   magnificient world you live.

9. Dream more - while you are awake.

10. Eat more natural foods than manufactured ones.

11. Eat berries and nuts & drink green tea, lots of water
     and a glass of wine each day (make sure to make
     a toast to the bounty in your life and do it with
     someone whose company you love.)   

12. Try each day to make 3 people smile.

13. Eliminate disorder in your home, and your
      desk and let new energy enter your life.

14. Don't waste your precious time gossiping
      or regretting the past or in negative thoughts
      or in worrying about things beyond your control.
      Better to convert your energy in that what is
      positive in the present.

15. Realize that life is a school and that you are here
      to learn.Problems are life lessons from which
      you learn.

16. Eat breakfast like a King - lunch like a Prince - and
      dinner like a Pauper.

17. Smile and laugh more.

18. Don't miss any opportunity to hug someone you
      appreciate.

19. Life is too short to waste it by hating someone.

20. Don't take yourself too seriously - no one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Just accept
      that you are not in agreement and that you can
      agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so you won't ruin
      your present.

23. Don't compare yourself with others for always
      there will greater and lesser persons than yourself.

24. Only you are in charge of your own happiness.

25. Remember that you don't always have control
      over what happens - It's what you do with
      the experience.

26. Learn something new every day.

27. What other people think of you is no concern to you.

28. Love your body and respect it.

29. No matter how good or bad the situation is - it will
      change.

30. Your work will not take care of you when you
      are sick.Your friends will. Stay on good terms
      with them.

31. Get rid of everything that is not useful, beautiful,
      or fun.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have everything
      you will ever need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel - get up - get dressed - and be
      there.

35. Have wonderful friends.

36. Call your family often and send them messages
      saying that you are thinking of them.

37.   Every night before going to bed, say the following:
        I give thanks for ____________.
        Today I succeeded in ___________.

38.  Remember that you are too blessed - to be stressed.

39.  Enjoy life - You only have one opportunity, make the
       best of it.

40.  Send this message to someone you care for.

Impressive words. I'd add only this: "What do you mean to a child when you're dead? Only whatever you put in their head."