THE TOWN BULLY

As a tall but skinny asthmatic kid I can recall being the target for the more agressive shorter pudgy guys. But, more of that some other time.

Let's consider this non-related scenario. Say you are the picked on kid who continued to get beat up - first on the street - then by your Dad at home - because you weren't more assertive.

So, you're definitely seeking a safe haven - but, one is not to be easily found.

Still, the bully keeps beating you up and you find yourself attempting to discover different routes to and from both the school and the store.

Finally, after these tandem beatings have continued for what seems to be an eternity, you decide to take action.

You go out behind the garage and start to disassemble your home made soap box derby with the steering wheel taken from a baby carriage found at the dump.

You remove a couple of bolted 2 by 2's you used for braking against the old discarded Flexible Flyer wagon wheels. You then take on the two by four steering mechanics you came up with from reading a book.

You detach the two by four - unfastening the bolt that penetrated the orange crate chassis and a 2 by 10 holding the egg crate seat.

Next, you remove the Flexible Flyer wheels you connected to the smaller 2 by 4 board with long screws and untie the ropes that were inserted in the two holes drilled into either end of the same piece of lumber.

The next day you go tell your last period teacher that you're sick and have to go home immediately - knowing the school nurse is now visiting at a neighboring school.

You don't go home.

Instead, you hide around the corner clutching your two by four steering mechanism and you beat the begeezers out of the bully when he comes around the corner of the school.

You start at his knees - you then hit him across his gut when he's lying on his back - then you pummel him on top of his curly haired head upon which he has placed his backward facing golf hat.

You leave him surprised, bloody, and crying.

You do this for three days running from varying vantage points. Soon, the bully starts looking for you - and it's strictly a defensive maneuver.

As the weeks goes on you no longer resort to subterfuge. Every time you see the guy you cross the street, walk up to him and cold cock him with a pair of brass knuckles you found in your dad's tool kit.

The bully is treating you nicer now. Each morning he even holds the door open for you as you enter school. You trip him. He also offers you the opportunity to be the first to ascend the second floor stairs. You knee him.

He slides over at the "jock" table in the school cafeteria to let you sit down. Looking straight ahead you nevertheless score a direct hit as you pour your cup of hot pear juice on his new white golf hat - and him - as you pass the sacred table.

Finally, the bully is going to everybody - your friends - your teacher - your gym coach - your principal - your Dad, the local priest, etc. Even your Mom.

He says your aggressive moves are delaying some serious negotiations that really are going to lead to an agreement between you and him."

Meet Roger Goodell.