FRUSTRATION

My reputation as a technophobe may follow me to the grave.

Despite that, I disconnected the old tower computer, and took the mouse, keyboard, and monitor into the dining room. The location is immediately outside Phyl's office where the router lurks.

One of the many theories postulated for the towers unwillingness to accept a router signal and go online was it's lack of proximity to the router. While faulty logic, it needed to be checked out.

The tower has two antennae connected to it so it can perform "wireless". I would have a better chance on a tightwire - going netless. I silently cursed AOL and anybody else whom I could think of to blame.

After a period of about 4 hours which included much reading and experimenting I tried a telephone connection to the computer. When my wife - the real worker ant - mentioned she could not get an outside line - I knew I was in deep doo doo - and finally shelved the whole project, preferring to go out to my office and review E-mail on the laptop.

One e-mail message encouraged me to go online to Facebook as ten or twelve people were allegedly trying to reach me.

My familiarity with Facebook is pretty much limited to looking at photos and saying, "Man, that's a good shot." This is particularly true when the photos are taken by Ethan and Jen, Phyl's oldest son and wife. Their subject matter is Phyl's biological grandson Liam; the youngest of the 10 grandchildren - of which 9 are connected somehow to my DNA.

Liam is a doll and the photos quite professional. Now, I've had the enjoyment of looking at Grandchildren photos and their facial expressions for some time - including that of the oldest who is 22.

I still have one of him when he was a litle tyke with his hat turned sideways and a plastic bat in his hand as he exited the house on Burlington. He had not yet mastered the art of speaking -a malady for which he has now found a remedy.

But, the photos Phyl's kids are sending via the Net depict the little guy - one year old - whose look of concentration when he's playing with something is incredible. This may be due to his unusually long attention span or, perhaps, an irritable bile that he is working on as he plays. Anyway, the look is precious.

My inability to reproduce his photos from Facebook - is not precious. I can't wait until Phyl retires and processes her own grandson photos. Her logic behind not becoming a member now is that she sits in her office all day with either her nose into the computer screen - the phone stuck to her ear - or a combination of both.

Facetime with Facebook is not an option at this time.

She is clearly much more technologically proficient than I - and despite my chosen outside reading assignment - the more patient of the two of us

My sole favorable Facebook memory is limited to that of our watching The Social Network - a great flick.

Needless to say, coupled with the computer tower and another battle with pollen, I'm not a happy camper. My pity party is alive and well - but, you won't find it on either Facebook or Twitter.

However, it was greatly exacerbated when, in attempting to catch up with 32 E-mails, I found this one from my sister-in-law.

1. There are six eggs in the basket. Six people each take one egg. How can it be that ghere is one left in the basket?

2. Acting on an anonymous phone call, the police raid a house to arrest a suspected murderer
They don't know what he looks like, but they know his name is John.Inside they find a
carpenter, a cab driver, a car mechanic and a fireman playing cards. Without even
asking his name they arrest the fireman How do they know they've got their man?

3. There was once a recluse who never left his home. The only time anyone ever visited was
when his food and supplies were delivered, but, they never came inside. Then, one stormy
winter night when an icy gale was blowing he had a nervous breakdown. He went upstairs,
turned off all the lights and went to bed. Next morning he had caused the death of
several hundred people. How?

4. Three of six glasses - the first three in a line - are filled with orange juice. The other three
are empty. By moving only one glass can you arrange them so the full and empty glasses
alternate?

There is no reason in this world why I should be the only one on a Monday who is suffering
from frustration.