THE ART OF LISTENING WELL

In my continuing effort to write a softer more gentle blog ("OK, I heard you. Who said, When?")

Let's start again. I am trying to read more glass half-full e-mails. What I have read from the various friends with whom I have E-mail exchanges is that a proper attitude is the responsibility of each of us.

Such was the case with a long parable I received about a guy who fell off a communications tower and still retained his normal cheerful attitude even as he was about to go into really serious surgery.

The "old" Barry immediately speculated that the large amount of drugs the guy had ingested was probably the source of his cheerfulness. Also, they may have caused him to fall from the tower and probably had not worn off yet. I soon realized the error of my ways and vowed to be less cynical. I was guilty of not listening well.

Listening well is a special talent. Various authors have told us that it is a trainable skill, as opposed to certain sexual proclivities one is born with - I assume.

I can think of various examples of folks with poor listening skills. Not me, of course.

There is my oft told story about the poor Irish guy who was having problems getting a girl. He was relating this to a friend at a dance held at Pittsburgh's Central Catholic High School.

His friend had girls coming out of . . . . well you know what I mean. His advice to his less successful Irish friend was to take time to pay compliments to the girls.

With that, the skinny acne scarred Irish guy walked across to the girls side of the room and asked a rather corpulent young lass if she would like to dance. She accepted and off they went to do their Fred & Ginger imitations.

Unfortunately, it was not long before the female partner hit the skinny Irish guy with her purse (you always took your purse with you on the dance floor ) and proceeded to knock him silly.

His friend came over to rescue "Silly Sully'' and asked, "What in the world did you say to her to get that strong of a reaction?"

Sully replied that it wasn't his fault and he did what his friend told him to do. "All I said was, you know, for a fat girl, you don't sweat that much!"

Clearly, old fatso was guilty of not "listening well". Otherwise, she would have recognized a well intended - if not well thought out - compliment.

Here's another example. Men are notoriously adverse to going to a doctor for almost any reason. A mysterious rash in an sacred area of the body may be one of the few exceptions.

There was this guy who had hearing problems but, didn't want to discuss them, choosing to carry around a battery pack with a mike and a couple of miniature Bose speakers instead.

Finally, he goes to the doctor who asks him,"Can you describe the symptoms to me?"

The guy replies: "Yes, Homer is a fat yellow lazy S.O.B. And, Marge is a skinny broad with big blue hair!"

Still one more person who is guilty of not "listening well."

But, today I may have found a poster boy for our cause: Listening Well.

There's this newly elected Senator from Ohio, Rob Portman, who ran on a promise of fiscal responsibility. He has even backed a constitutional amendment to balance the budget - a popular cause in this most recent election; per the voters.

Well, Rob recently came out in favor of the back-up engine for the F-35 fighter jet. At first blush, a callous critic might accuse Rob of simply not " listening well."

His opinion is in total disagreement with that of Defense Secretary Robert Gates who calls the backup engine totally unnecessary. Gates conclusion is consistent with a five year campaign by two Presidents - of opposing parties - to eliminate the alternate engine in an effort to help balance the budget.

The engine manufacturer is Rolls Royce. The thrust of the lobbying efforts to defeat the elimination of funds to support the engine funding is General Electric, the mega-company working with Rolls Royce to develop the engine.

GE realizes that the decision to abandon the engine would " knock them out of the $100 billion market for the F-35 engine." (USA Today 2/15/11)

Suitably, G.E.and it's subsidiaries ratcheted up their lobbying efforts this year to $39 million, a 50% increase over 2009.

One politician has 1000 residents employed by G.E. in his home state of Ohio and who work on the engine.

The previously mentioned politician, Republican Rob Portman took in more than $59,000 from G.E, and was the "largest financial recipient" of their lobbying largesse.

See, you don't want to judge people too quickly.

Actually, Rob fully deserves the honor of Official Poster Boy for "listening well."

Besides, "He plays well with others."

(Oh !@#$%! I did it again, didn't I?)