TANKS - BUT, NO TANKS!

Craig Wilson, a writer, both revered and often referred to here, has recently written a column on the subject of "thank you" notes.

Wilson contends that the use of these notes appears to be perceived by generations younger than his or mine, as one of those anachronisms that fit the definition of the word: "Something that is out of place in terms of chronology."

He states "I'd accept any sign of gratitude, any signal. I'd settle for smoke. Heck, I'd settle for Elvis: "Thank you - thank you very much." My wife and I agree. Anything, even a note tied to a rock they throw through the kitchen window. But, maybe not always.

Thank-you notes have become a lost art. This is definitely is not the time to cash in your 401-k and invest in a printing company that specializes in designing and manufacturing unique thank- you notes.

To clarify, I am not as consistent with my thank-you notes as I was in earlier years. Perhaps that is because we buried my mother in 1988 and she no longer looks over my shoulder on the occasions of my birthday or Christmas to see that I respond as a responsible young man should.
This is besides the fine efforts of my wife to get me back on track.

The lack of wedding gift acknowledgments remain among our pet peeve. One or the other of us will ask, "Do you think they got it? Maybe, the note we attached became loose and they don't know who sent the gift. Should we call her Mom and ask how they are enjoying their new lawn trimmer?"

In truth, we still have friends/relatives who thank us for something suggesting we're thinking of them. Thaat includes the small keepsakes we send out every Christmas. But, people do get busy, and honestly we don't do it in an effort to receive thank-you notes. It's a tradition that many people seem to like.

One friend, Harry, even included his thank- you note as a part of his blog: http://harry2335.blogspot.com/ But, then again, Harry has always been a "classy dude."

After reading Craig Wilson's blog I realized, while after a recent trip ,I only send an electronic thank-you note to my kids, I failed to do so to my hos. She drove my big butt all over Pittsburgh so I could see those kids and grandkids and celebrate some birthdays, too.

Oh yeah!, No "class dude" cudo for this blogger. Heck, in all the excitement I didn't even get around to filling the gas tank. I promise to rectify this lack of etiquette and plain common sense soon.

Now, saying "Thanks" can be misinterpreted also. Some may see it as being sarcastic or inappropriate. Some simply don't understand it simply means, "We're thinking of you."

In this century we've seen more and more signs of people dropping a gift certificate in the mail either as a thank you response or maybe, instead of flowers to which a family member may be allergic.

In one website: http://www.Mommyko.com/2009/03/how-to-say-thank-you-in-style, it described the etiquette of "when more than a note is appropriate." - and included the sending of a gift certificate - listing proper situations for sending same.

Apparently, it hasn't caught on everywhere as we discovered when we sent a gift certificate to someone out of state. We did so to acknowledge a truly magnaminous gesture - and one that was covered in the etiquette site above.

The modest gift certificate was to a restaurant we were led to understand was popular with the couple. There was no way we could match their benevolence, nor was there any indication they expected us to. It was simply something we've done for years for both family and friends.

The response was also not expected. The gift certificate was returned after a harsh e-mail with a nasty insinuation that our gift was in an inadequate amount to compensate for a rental of their home. We asked the recipient to reconsider but it was for naught.The recipient also returned the Christmas keepsakes we send to them and their family each year.

While their reaction was a shock, after reflecting for awhile, we realized it was not totally inconsistent with previous behaviors. Our gesture was clearly misunderstood.

Of course, not all gifts are perceived as appropriate. Sometimes it's just the nature of the gift received that can be bothering . Perhaps the recipient does not believe the sending of a thank-you note is appropriate - in view of the type of gift that was received. However, the gifter may have thought truly grateful people should appreciate a Christmas gift of argyle socks with embroidered kittens on the sides.

I was always taught the gift still deserves a thank-you note - but, perhaps not the inclusion of any real flowery stuff. I was told and have read ,"It's the giving - not the gift that's important."

Think about it. How many times did you want to send back Aunt Emma's annual Christmas fruitcake?

You probably didn't do it. Maybe you just buried it deep in the back yard where it could not harm either your children or other burrowing animals. But, you were always curious why that patch of grass high above the fruitcake had to be re-seeded each year.

Now, I see burying the fruitcake as a reasonable compromise in the whole thank-you notes and gift scenarios. However, I will now be more cautious about this whole thing of gift-giving.

Like the sending of thank-you notes, apparently not all folks would agree with my interpretation of proper etiquette.

Anyway. Interesting subject. And if you've read this far, "Thank You!" & "Merry Christmas."