ODDS & ENDS

I realized I was not a good romancer when I was very young. I could never think of the right thing to say. Once I was asked for a dance by a rather heavy set young lady and complimented her after our dance thusly: "You know for a fat girl - you don't sweat much!"

She slapped me.
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I try not to undress in front of our dog. You never know what she might decide to say to the other dogs who are out when we walk her. If I see a couple dogs looking at me and laughing, I'm sure I'll know who told them.
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I read about a woman recently who was vacationing overseas and searching for trinkets and unusual food items to take back home. She was fascinated by these little round packages being displayed in a straw basket on the counter of one of the shops..

Becoming frustrated at her inability to identify the food product contained therein. She asked the shopkeeper for assistance.

"Those are condoms, madam. Please do not become embarassed. This question comes up quite often."

She was so happy she had not purchased any for her sister-in-law - a devout Catholic and mother of 6.
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I saw a cute item in Reader's Digest that appealed to me as my daughter has four children and she was the last of four who were all born within less than a 5 year period of time.

It seems that the Mom in the story was grocery shopping with 4 boys - and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys kept yelling "Mommy, Mommy' while she was trying to shop.
In her exasperation she shouted out, "I don't want to hear the word Mommy for at least ten minutes."

The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother's dress and said softly, "excuse me, miss."
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A man get's pulled over after a high speed chase. The policeman comes along side the stopped car. He's tired but enjoyed the chase on what was an otherwise slow day.

He says to the driver, "Look I'm going to give you a break. If you can give me a a good excuse I won't give you a ticket."

The driver responded, "Four weeks ago my wife left me for a cop. So, when I saw your car coming I thought you were trying to bring her back."

The cop let him go.
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Another cop pulls a little old lady over on Route 17 in the Jacksonville area. The driver is driving really slow and traffic is steadily backing up.. He walks up to the car , notes there are three other elderly women in the car and asks the driver why she was going so slow. She explains." The sign says the speed limit is 17 mph. "

He explains that is the route # - not the speed limit - and asks her to please speed it up. As he is going back to the car he remembered the panicked look on the faces of the three passengers when he first walked up. He returns to the car before the driver pulls back into traffic.

He inquires of the women if there is a problem. The lady in the left rear answers. "Yes, officer. You see, we just got off Interstate 295!"
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A employee of a gift shop receives a call inquiring as to whether they might have a small plastic phone. The caller explains it is to go on a casket ribbon that says, "God called - and she answered."

After the sales clerk told the caller they did not carry the item, she hung up and shared the story with a co-worker. Just then the phone rang.

The co-worker said, "You answer it."
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Enjoy!