THE FROZEN TUNDRA

"Are you kidding me?", came a small voice from the right front seat of the golf cart as I was heading up the street to our local post office on Monday.

"Do you see a cask of brandy around my neck?', she continued. "I'm a Chihuahua. I was not built for this kind of weather. These stupid sweaters are too loose and I'm getting air intake where it was never meant to be."

"I was just trying to get you out of the house. You looked bored.", I replied. "Besides your mommy says we need to bond more."

"Why can't we bond over a plate of french fries, somewhere warm? I've about had it with Florida. I have no undercoat, you know."

"Yes, I know. But, when Mommy isn't happy - ain't nobody happy."

"What happened to my bundling up on the couch beside her and watching your old movies? Now, that was the cat's meow."

"Perhaps you have watched too many of the old classics", I replied. "But, we can't stay home with you every night due to the weather and watch the telly. And, you're terrible at Bingo."

Now she was really frustrated. "OK, perhaps you don't understand this whole cold weather and Chihuahua thing. You see, I was born to be warm and cuddly and lie out on the lanai' where the sun's rays strike my bed in the early morning and tickle my delicate nostrils. This has become a thing of the past nowadays. I'm thinking of filing a disability claim with Social Security. Three Geckos fell out of a tree and landed on my head while I was out doing my thing last night"

"Lot's of that going around these days.", I countered. "However, SS benefits do not apply to dogs and particularly ones with a big mouth who complain a lot."

"I'll tell them I'm illegal.", she threatened.

"It still won't work!"

"There's that whole Master/Slave thing you use against me ever since you guys bought me up at the Red Barn flea market. Do you ever really listen to me? I'm talking about change here. Didn't you even listen to Obama?"

"And your point is what? Like, what kind of change?", I queried.

"Well, I think rather than you having to defend a lawsuit for intentionally misleading me about this Florida weather thing, you might be willing to ship me down to Costa Rica to vist my cousin Matteo. I know he misses me and has invited me to go windsurfing with him."

I didn't even know you had a cousin Mateo, let alone one who lives in Costa Rica."

"See, that's just the point. You never listen to me", she complained.

"Look that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Man up and start acting like man's best friend."

"So that's your attitude on this, huh? Just exactly what is P.E.T.A.'s telephone number down here in the frozen tundra?"

"Ask your mother!", I replied, while wondering if Mateo would be willing to take in adults too.