WHAT'S NOT TO UNDERSTAND?

Do you remember the many times that your kids came in the door crying and complaining because: "Bobby hit me - and I'm not going to play with him anymore"?

Then you'll probably also recall that when you looked out the kitchen window -not more than 15 minutes later - both Bobby and your son were now playing together and having one heckuva good time.

I miss those days.

A comparison that comes to mind is when we watch two football teams beat the bejeebers out of each for 60 minutes. Then, when the battle ends, players from both teams are seen praying together. Others are observed shaking hands or laughing and hugging each other whether they be past college or professional teammates, members of the opposite team who won or lost the game.

Could this "vicious' sport actually be seen as a positive role model for society?

You got to admit it would do much for today's society and our security if we somehow could find that common denominator in politics - as well as in life.

Here's a different example - not so positive. On the afternoon of this past Election Day - after voting - my wife and I came in to a somewhat empty Applebys for some lunch and a glass of wine.

As we sat down we commented to the two female bartenders how quiet it was. They just looked at each other, shaking their heads, before explaining their reaction.

It seems they had just managed to survive an hour or so long battle between Democrat and Republican voters - sitting on either side of the bar and screaming at each other.

"I actually thought they were going to kill each other", commented the smaller of the two women.  Now it was our turn to shake our heads.

We've noted that some positive sign of  potential unity is desperately lacking in any conversation we may have foolishly attempted or overheard recently with either a "Devoted Democrat" or a "Rabid Republican".

People seem to have adopted a new philosophy :"There are two sides to any argument - theirs - and the right way - ours."

Apply this same philosophy in a marriage & you're going to accumulate a lot of couch time. You could possibly turn out like the guy who stated, "My sex life is like a Ferrari . . . I don't have a Ferrari."

Think about it. When, if ever, was the last time you heard either a Democrat or Republican find one kind positive thing to say about a member of the other political party?

If you disagree then you're not the one getting all the political hate mail.

Did I miss something? Do we no longer leave the the placenta in the hospital after we take the baby home with us?

Don't you want to scream: "HEY, THE ELECTION IS OVER AND WHETHER YOUR SIDE WON OR LOST - GET OVER IT!"

I have no problem here with empathizing with someone who has experienced the occasional disagreement with a few people and/or various business entities, (such as the management brass of my Pirates). Anybody who reads this blog will be quick to confirm that.

It's just, what ever happened to the spirit of compromise? We now seem to view it as a sign of weakness. How in the world did we get to this point? And, why if you truly believe the other guy has to compromise first do you NOT understand what the problem is?

Some would suggest it's also our growing reluctance to explore a positive aspect of our personality - called kindness -  which, sadly, is seldom seen unless there is a tragedy such as the one in Newtown - or reports of a guy dropping $100 bills in a Salvation Army kettle?

Mark Twain once said, "Kindness is something the blind can see and the deaf can hear." Sorry Markie, not any more.

"Kindness" is  a personality trait needed to be on display in every home  - and not just by Mom.

An act of kindness to one's spouse may also greatly help to structure our kids in a positive way, thus fulfilling our desire to see them grow into mature adults.

Our kids definitely won't get there by repeating our Archie Bunker inspired  ramblings when we forgot that "little pitchers have big ears"

Respected behavioral psychologists have concluded that, too often, the impact on our kids due to our misplaced word choices and spoken or implied prejudices has resulted in the drastic increase in bullying on our streets, playgrounds, and the internet.

My concern is that this absence of kindness in the home has now carried over into our so-called "adult life" -  and how we often perceive people who hold different beliefs than our own. We clearly weren't always that way.

It is a constant prayer of my wife and myself that some day people will get their collective heads out of that dark cavern in the body that involuntarily shudders at the sound of snapping rubber gloves.

 Perhaps then we'll finally begin to make progress on the resolution of some very difficult subjects: immigration, entitlements, taxes, the degree to which we all need to make sacrifices, and what really makes sense about the divergent reality of gun control and mental health.

I am definitely not the paragon of virtue and admit my opinions here are as much addressed to myself, as to anyone bothering to read this far.

It saddens me to think that so many of us seem either unable or unwilling to recognize that the other side may have some good points - or at least something deserving of our willingness to listen - with an overall goal that, by doing so, we can hopefully find some common ground.

Listening is clearly the key to any successful negotiation whether it be the NHL debacle, the fiscal cliff, or any of the above.

Maybe what we really need is just more people like your son and Bobby at the beginning of this blog - who hopefully are too young to be carrying around our baggage.

"What's not to understand?"