IT IS A CURSE!

While friend Harry (http://harry2335blogspot.com/) continues to excoriate the Republicans with his funny blogs; I am far busier with much more important challenges.

The word is SPAM - and it rhymes with SLAM.

I'm being "slammed" with all these tempting offers I continue to receive via my SPAM folder. It's like trying to get a parking space on Saturday at Walmart anywhere close to the door leading to the "barrels of Pinto beans" section.

I'm also a little concerned as to what kind of "cookies" I must be leaving in my computer wake.

"And, 'folk' we ain't talking about the pumpkin chocolate-chip ones my wife made over the holidays that have all the neighbors raving."

Which reminds me. Speaking of holidays, let me digress for a moment.

You wouldn't search for Easter Baskets and that purplish green grass in October - right? Admit it, you're probably not even frantically seeking chocolate Easter bunnies to eat the ears off in the winter months.

And, it's doubtful that you're looking for that exactly perfect Christmas tree to haul home in July before cutting off about 3 feet at the bottom so it fits in your gameroom.

We don't do this for a very logical reason. Each of the above purchases has their own special time and place.

You don't buy Easter baskets in October nor Christmas trees in July - even if you own a wholesale business located in the Lower Hill or the Strip Section of Pittsburgh and have a warehouse the size of Romney's safe.

This I understand. What I don't understand is why Eggnog has to disappear from the dairy shelves each year by about January 6.

Do people not enjoy this tantalizing beverage anytime before the week preceding Thanksgiving until the week following New Years?

What about the Albanians or whatever ethnic group out there who chooses to celebrate Christmas on a later date. Why should they be deprived of their Eggnog privileges or "a little toddy for the body"? I know some Albanians who can go at it pretty good.

I'd just like to say, "Hey man! Can't you keep some around for whatever strange type of New Year the Chinese are celebrating? Who knows if this year isn't 'The Year Of The Nog', or 'The Year of the HDL?"

Please think about this miscarriage of justice as I continue to wrestle with my SPAM options.

The reason I have an overwhelming amount of SPAM is because I don't have the nerve to adjust the spam controls to the '100% refusal' option.

I'm always afraid someone -or some company- with whom I may now be dealing, would not be able to reach me if I opted to block all SPAM and they're not yet part of my address book. Where would those e-mails go advising me for the thirtieth time what my password is?

Thus, here's my dilemma. Before deleting, how can I possibly make a well informed choice out of all the options my SPAM folder offers me? I admit, I'm a sucker for a bargain. Please help me out with my dilemma:

1.Should I be worried about the number of Christian singles out in the Bradenton, Fla. area who are apparently desperately seeking my company?

2.Should I opt to inquire further and satisy my curiosity, is there really any need for me to also check out the many offers I'm receiving to obtain unlimited expansion of my penis? Is this something that is important to Christian singles?

3.Another thing. How concerned should I be by the identity of people who allegedly have been inquiring about me or who constantly insist on changing my credit score?

There could definitely be a downside in the first instance.

At my age, do I really want to find out that there is an heir out there about whom I have no knowledge? Why would some transitory female from the Truman administration have opted to keep me in the dark until now regarding this potential knowledge?

4.Should I really be concerning myself about starting a 401K at a time when I'm assured I should have started withdrawing years ago?

5.Why are so many SPAM people in my list insisting that I take all of these free gift certificates? Is it like that movie where the guy has to give away a million dollars a day in order to retain his inheritance?

6.Finally, and this pops up a lot, do I really want to acquire more information as to how I can spy on my kids? Hell, I still can't figure out how to turn on Oovoo and look upon them from the security of my laptop?

I could go on and on (and usually do) but, I'm sure you can commiserate with the difficult decisions I'm facing.

However, I do worry about all those Christian Singles pining away because they do not know how to get in touch with me.

(I just looked at my full body image in the bedroom mirror and - it's truly "a curse"!)

So many options - so little time.