There is a lot of humor in this country we just don't hear about. Fortunately, we have some good friends that keep us up to date. Here are some examples:
"ONE ARMED MAN APPLAUDS THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS." (obviously, a left handed compliment.)
"CASKETS FOUND AS WORKERS DEMOLISH MAUSOLEUM" (The subheadline: "We had no idea anyone was buried there." (maybe they thought it was a "M-U-S-E-U-M?")
"UTAH POISON CONTROL CENTER REMINDS EVERYONE NOT TO TAKE POISON" (Apparently, we need to produce more bottles with that ugly face to warn us. How about Harry Reid's?)
"FEDERAL AGENTS RAID GUN SHOP - FIND WEAPONS." (Yeah, that'll happen some time.)
"FISH NEED WATER, FEDS SAY" - (Are these the same guys who wanted me to invest my Social Security benefits in the market?)
SOME INTERESTING ADVERTISEMENTS:
"GET 50% OFF - OR HALF PRICE - WHICHEVER IS LESS" (See, kids it wasn't just me who struggled with your New Math homework.)
"WANTED: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. P.O. BOX 322, Oakview, California. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before." (Yep, you gotta get the good stuff to go on
this trip.)
"HUMAN SKULL - USED ONCE only. Not plastic. $200 or best offer: Dr. Scott Tyler.("Oh yeah! you can't threaten ME about my unpaid bill, Dr. Tyler! I know all you quacks are over charging. I'm no dummy and have a real good head for business.")
"1995 Nissan. Green, Leather, Loaded, Auto start, Sunroof, 4-door, good condition. $4,500. NOT FOR SALE. (Guess, the guy had a change of heart.)
"TOMBSTONE: Standard gray. A good buy for someone named Grady. 508 -375- xxxx. (Grady, any possibility we could talk about that Nissan, too?)
SOMETIMES, IT'S JUST THE SMALL THINGS IN THE PAPERS THAT GRAB YOU:
"Debra Jackson said she likes shopping at The Golden Palace - because it's convenient and casual. 'I don't have to get all dressed up like I'm going to Wal-Mart - or something,' she said. (Hey, I spotted it first and have dibs on the photos.)
Happy Holidays!
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