The vetting process - side by side.

Yesterday the local Tampa affiliate broadcast a debate between three guys who are the primary candidates to become our next Senator in Florida..They all appeared to be quite personable and articulate.

I later learned that one of the three candidate apparently has garnered the most support. I thought they all did well. None used the term transparent.

I realize that the process of "vetting" - carefully examining the record of your possible candidate - looking in every nook and cranny (and bathroom stalls, apparently) enables each political party and NPA to reach a decision that you got the best guy or gal.

After all your investigative work you concluded they were squeaky clean , were not members of a coven - and would certainly best represent your interests. God bless you for doing this job. But, I hate to tell you, I'm still in the 1/3 of folks who are undecided.

Here's why.

Trying to determine the best candidate from the TV ads is like trying to determine which popular actress did not have a boob job.

One walks away from the ads with the impression that all three candidates are either previously convicted felons - or should have been. "You think they trashtalk in the NBA? You ain't heard nothin yet."

Which raises the question, "If any of these ads are true - who vetted these guys? Ahmadinejad?"

It's easy for outsiders to judge Florida as just a group of seniors joined together at the hip for a photo opt depiction of "a huddled mass" and who are still confused over hanging chads.

Like I said before,"tain't true" We're angry about politicians too. We do sometimes tend to forget who it was we decided we were going to vote for. But, I'm sure that will come back by November 2nd.

If not, we all have those sample ballots we could highlight with our Bingo markers and take into the polling place.

We're also upset about the ballot propositions or "proposed constitutional amendments". I can see why. I read proposition 5 and 6 several times and assume they decided to repeat #5 via # 6, just in case we dosed off while reading it. (I know. It was legislative versus congressional redistricting.)

California makes it easy. Either you want to legalize pot - or you don't. But, for a guy who studied and interpreted a lot of technical legal "stuff" - I can tell you that - after retirement I went downhill really fast. I needed the Dick & Jane versions of the propositions.

I couldn't come up with the right answer 50% of the time if they were true or false questions. I'd be about as accurate as I was in picking World Series opponents.

My suggestions to my Seniors peers is "Either you find Cliffnotes before Tuesday - bring a cheat sheet to the polls - or have a surplus of Gummy Bears and Depends to get you through this travesty. It's going to be a long day."

Now, let's say you don't have a clue as to which Senatorial candidate appears to be less guilty looking. Perhaps, you're even more clueless as to which special interest is paying for those outrageous attack ads you're trying to interpret. Just keep in mind that you're exercising your legal right as a citizen of this great nation.

Now, if you really want to have an impact, fill in the little geometric form on the ballot where it says - "none of the above". Can't find it? Damn! Time for a new "proposition".

Tis sad. If we could all do that we might finally bring some sense to this whole process. Somebody would actually be forced to tell us the truth. Until then we'll be like the guy below when our own "election" honeymoon is over.

I say this only because this years election process reminds me of a great video on Youtube. It shows an elderly guy - singing a song about his recent honeymoon - to the tune of "Side By Side:

"WE GOT MARRIED LAST FRIDAY.
MY GIRL WAS RIGHT THERE BESIDE ME.
OUR FRIENDS WERE ALL GONE.
WE WERE ALONE
SIDE BY SIDE.

WE WERE SO HAPPILY WED WHEN
SHE GOT READY FOR BED THEN.
HER TEETH AND HER HAIR
SHE PLACED IN A CHAIR
SIDE BY SIDE

ONE GLASS EYE - SO TINY
ONE HEARING AID SO SMALL
THEN SHE TOOK ONE LEG OFF
AND PLACED IT ON THE CHAIR BY THE WALL

I STOOD THERE SO BROKEN HEARTED
MOST OF MY GIRL HAD DEPARTED
I SLEPT ON THE CHAIR
THERE WAS MORE OF HER THERE
SIDE BY SIDE"

Hey, I'll be standing there with you at the polls - "Side By Side."