IRISH HUMOR

This morning, Phyl - my B.W. -was examining our dog Bella who has recently been experiencing some medical problems. I was busy doing something else- and lost track of what she was doing when I heard her exclaim, "Well, it's time to start treating fleas."

I responded, "How about taking them to Chuck E. Cheese?"

Bella has not had fleas in all of her three years of life.

That may be the period of time before my wife starts talking to me again.
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Purloined Humor: (Stuff overheard and stolen from various E-mails.)

TOUGH LOVE:

"I was in the express lane, silently fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?"

AIRLINES:

United Airlines flight attendant announced: "People, people we're not picking out furniture here. Find a seat and get in it!"
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Heard on a Southwest Airline flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and, if you can light 'em, you can smoke em."
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The flight attendant announces at beginning of the flight: "Folks, listen up. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane!"

MISCELLANEOUS:

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."

Larry said: "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old", the husband said. We might not have 45 minutes."

They were seated immediately.
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FINALLY:

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening she goes to Barry's bar and picks up men. In fact she sleeps with anybody who asks her. I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

"Relax" says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Barry's bar?"
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Have a great weekend!