Friday's Funnies

You're never too old to change.

We Sullivans recently completed our annual budget and decided to make some changes. We are a family consisting of a senior man and woman, and a Chihuahua who has to jiggle the scales to produce a reading of above 2 pounds.

We noticed, as is consistent with folks of our age, that we're using a lot of toilet paper. We decided to economize. Since then we vowed to use toiletpaper only following the 5th visit to the john. While our close friends disagree we insist this is a "change you can believe in."
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On a recent visit to get my haircut I was awaiting my turn and seated in a chair by the window. My "stylist" and I were unsuccessfully practicing our lip reading moves so as not to awaken the many senior women who were getting their hair done.

As I glanced back to the wall in front of me I found myself locked in a staring contest with a young miss of about 5 years of age. "Where did you come from?" I asked mockingly with a wink of the eye. Before she could answer I looked skyward at the ceiling and inquired, "Did you just fall out of there?"

"No- o-o," she replied - purposely exaggerating the one syllable word. She then giggled and continued with that lovely and riveting stare of hers before turning to her mother who was balancing two younger siblings on an expanding lap. The girl repeated our brief conversation to her Mom who smiled.

Apparently, I did so in a pseudo- falsetto voice that awakened the previously sleeping customers who now were actively engaged with smiles and active displays of attention in our direction.

I simply smiled back and the young girl returned to her Mom to whom she again repeated our conversation. I reminisced:

Jennifer was an only child and enjoyed playing in her fenced in back yard beside mine. It occurred to me I may have made a conquest which I often do with children under 9 and women over 90.

It seemed that everytime I came out she would stop what she was doing and approach me by the common fence we shared. It was there I would begin my slapstick routine:

"I love your blue dress", I would say. Jennifer would look down at her garb and reply, No-o-o-, it's not blue - it's green."

My reply was , "No, the reason I know it's blue is because it's the same color as your shoes" - which were a bright and shiny red. She would correct me again.

I then defended my mistake: "Perhaps it's because the Sun is shining in my eyes and making it difficult for me to see this morning".

She corrected me again by advising me she knew it was afternoon as she had just finished her lunch. We just looked at one another for a moment when I offered, "How come you aren't over there playing with your cat?"

That did it.!

"Mr. Sullivan, you really get confused. That's my dog. I'm going to have to talk with your Mommy and ask her to teach you your colors and your animals."

She threw up her hands, went back to her "kangaroo" - or whatever and I got back to my chores.

That was a long time ago - in a different life. Since then my early attempts to repeat this conversational approach in a bar failed to meet with a positive response from the femaale customers adjacent to me.

Obviously, there just weren't many women over 90 that hung out in bars.

Have a great holiday weekend.