CLEANING DAY

Today is cleaning day. How do I know that?

Well, it's kind of simple. Before the cleaning people arrive we have: made the bed, scrubbed the toilet bowls, cleaned off the counters of any magazines, mail, etc, cleaned all the countertops with Chlorox, put away all CD's, organized the computer desk to make it easier to clean, emptied all the waste baskets, put away all clothing, and scrubbed the hairspray from my wifes dressing area.

Yep, by gosh, we're just about ready. I will need to move the car so as to make sure the driveway is clear.

The first time we did this I suspected our goal was to convince the good people who clean bi-monthly that we did not defecate. Later, I was convinced our goal was to convince them that nobody lived in our home.

Please understand we are not slobs. I admire my wife, Phyl, for her cleanliness and accept that some of the things we do fall under the heading of being considerate. But, there's a reason for our actions.

We have employed cleaning services in the past. Once, I hired a local woman who came to clean the Pennsylvania home while I was in Florida for a month in December. She left me a sarcastic note stating "I didn't know you wanted me to do your "spring cleaning". I fired her.

Another time we hired a young fellow who was a roommate of the Maitre De of a restaurant we frequented. After a while the bartender pulled us aside to tell us that when he finished cleaning up any of our trash - he then came back to the bar and trashed us to the other patrons. We fired him.

We then hired a national cleaning service, only to discover, the meaning of the phrase "Deep Cleaning". They didn't do it except in one room each time.

Our home was what was referred to then as a tri-level with two master bedrooms suites, a loft, living room, dining room, eat in kitchen, photo gallery room, a powder room long hall, and an enclosed sun porch on the top two floors. The bottom floor consisted of a stone wall at the bottom of the plush carpeted stair, a large finished L- shaped room, plus a big office, and a complete bathroom. There were french doors throughout the home and a couple of fireplaces with handmade mantels. It was a fun home with traffic patterns that guests loved.

We concluded that every 6 months one of these rooms would have been "deep cleaned". We fired them, cleaned the house ourself, and realized it was much more house than we needed.

I have had two spinal operations. My wife, always anxious to outdue me, has had two spinal fusions, both with instrumentation. The stairs were killing us. We sold that house and moved fulltime into our small but comfortable Florida home.

Prior to moving to Florida I assured my bride, I would take responsiblity for the cleaning of our new considerably scaled down home. After arriving here I discovered that, like Toby Keith's hit song, "As Good As I Once Was", I had lost a tremendous amount of "cleaning flexibility" in my body. OK, putting it another way, I'm getting old.

So, we ended up doing the cleaning ourself with Phyl consistently winning the blue ribbons for both thoroughness and persistence. I did one helluva job; however, in cleaning the shower and tub in the main bathroom and also wielded a wicked fan cleaning brush.

When my wife, post second operation, finished cleaning the top of the crown molding in the Florida kitchen, a few months ago, she went to step off the kitchen counter onto her small ladder and fell onto the floor. While apparently more embarassed and scared than hurt, that was when we decided a different approach was appropriate. We hired a friend and her associate who performed this work professionally.

We are pleased with their fine efforts . So, are our backs - knees, etc.

It took us at least one full day to clean our house working together. The professionals do so in about 2 hours or so.

I have thought that perhaps our prep work might have been of some assistance, but, I conclude it's just the normal compromise between cleaning your home yourself or hiring a cleaning service.

Oops, time to move the car. Or, should I clean it first?