NATURAL SELECTION - A POSITIVE SPIN

Recently, my favorite blogger, Harry (http://harry2335.blogspot.com) sent along an important e-mail - about the relative merits of drinking beer.

I believe I may have seen it before - but I also believe I took geometry in high school - and recall little that I read of that as well.

I do remember my teacher,Mr. Glessner, and his pithy sayings like, "Many hands make light work" - but, then again, that might have been Holly Hobbie.

While sitting at PNC Park in Pittsburgh in my First Base box seat - with a direct line from First Base to Third - courtesy of my Fathers Day gift from oldest son Bruce and wife Patty, I was amazed at all the activity taking place off the field.

The beer vendors were going nuts. They all had their own unique patter accompanied by the loud and familiar cheerful declaration  -  "Beer Here".

Pittsburgers love their beer.

One might conclude there were more purveyors of beer than there were fans sitting in the right field stands. Then again, I'm much more accustomed to sitting at that location than field level box seats.

Apparently, the conclusion of the vendors is that there are many more fans in the upgraded section who can afford the $9 beers offered up in those tiny cups.

So why so many beer drinkers?

Harry's e-mail seems to answer that question quite well:

"One night at Cheers, the famous bar, Postman Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: 'Well ya see, Norm, it's like this . . . . a herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.Therefore, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But, naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

It's only natural.

("Beer, helping ugly people have sex since 3000 BC!" - W.C. Fields)

PET PEEVES

One of my biggest "pet peeves" is the number of folks who commit so-called "white collar" crimes - and never do any jailtime.

My next vexation is; while this disproportionate punishment that is being meted out continues to grow like an epidemic, I am puzzled why so many people are still asking "What's wrong with this country and why do we have so many people cheating and lying?"

When travelling around doing my "dog and  pony" show back in the 90's - talking about business ethics in the insurance industry, I was often faced with the question: "Are we more unethical as a society than we used to be?"

The too easy answer was, "There's not more unethical behavior - just more people". I chose to believe it was much more effective to bounce the question back to my audience, to generate some discussion and hear and see what they thought.

The results were interesting.

Similar to the responses to ethical questions I posed  in the "A Question of Ethics" column I edited, I was amazed by the contrast out there as to what people had decided "now' constituted acceptable behavior.

And that was almost 20 years ago.

Please believe me when I say I no more thought of myself  as the "arbiter of right and wrong" back then, than  I do now. I am much more curious as to what others think about the subject.

Despite that admission, and while having no desire to be your favorite naysayer in the present, I'm concerned there is little in our current times to suggest a positive ethical change is taking place.

We continue to hear and read about some truly outrageous behavior in both business and the military.

Some blame the trend of increased unethical behavior on the inequitable accumulation of power and wealth we are experiencing. They also say that along with that comes an assumption the rules for you and me don't apply to them.

Perhaps they're right.

My most recent reference is taken from a story in the USA Today about Brigadier Army General Jeffrey Sinclair who reportedly cut a plea deal with prosecutors over extramarital affairs he had with subordinates, one of whom accused him of sexual assault - and then allegedly threatening to kill her.

His deal included a $20,000 fine - but he avoided a jail term - and therein lies the foundation of my premise.

What exactly was the leverage in his plea deal? Was it that Sinclair was possibly going to reveal several other highly placed military brass who had committed more serious crimes? Was it his threat to name names?

We'll probably never know, just as we may never know how other high ranking military personnel and ( titans of industry as well) amazingly avoid jail time,  despite being accused of committing despicable acts that have affected so many of us - in so many ways.

Let's face it. At the same time we have the contrast of "mere mortals" who are caught up in our "justice" system and are receiving 3 to 5 years hard time for selling a nickel bag of pot, many others, in a position of authority, and found guilty of much more serious crimes, are going scott free.

Is it because we are dealing with a domino effect wherein too many of us appear to have become enured to the tawdry behavior by a priviledged few and simply conclude: "It's just boys being boys - and it's been going on for years"?

So has Cancer! But, we seem to be making progress.

Whatever happened to the former popular guiding moral principle: "If you do the crime - you do the time?" Did it go the same way as "The Golden Rule"?

I believe people empowered to do so truly need to re-examine our legal system in this country and determine what messages we're sending to a lot of fertile minds in their formative years.

Let's do it before it's too late for that next generation - many of whom are going to be calling the shots that impact our kids and grandkids.

Then let's extrapolate those conclusions from the legal system analysis as to how we are handling so-called adult "white collar" crime, reignite our understanding of the simple concept of cause and effect, and get this country back on track.

Please consider my conclusion that this issue is important enough to be elevated from just a "pet peeve" by some old blogger to the status of a huge problem well worth our national concern.

But, you decide.

Twelve Steps & More

The unsolicited giving of  self-help messages seems to have increased lately, and as Martha S  likes to say, "that's a good thing."

Sometimes we need reminders as we all have bad days - or sometimes a sequence of same.

I recently read a survey of people asking, "If you could change the world what would you do?"

Some of the replies were interesting.

My favorite response was, "First I'd like to figure out how to remove those !@#$%^  thick plastic clam shell wrappers that all the manufacturers seem enthralled with. Then I'd love to come up with a cure for world hunger."

See, we all need priorities.

I agree. It's not that we don't care about the really serious issues featured on the editorial pages. It's just that it's the day-to-day frustrations that can ruin it for all of us - if we let them.

My daughter Beth sent along a self- help guideline thing entitled "12 steps" that may aid our curative process:

1.   If it feels wrong, don't do it.
2.   Say "exactly" what you mean.
3.   Don't be a people pleaser.
4.   Trust your instincts.
5.   Never speak bad about yourself.
6.   Never give up on your dreams.
7.   Don't be afraid to say "NO."
8.   Don't be afraid to say "YES."
9.   Be KIND to yourself.
10. Let go of what you can't control.
11. Stay away from drama and negativity.
12. LOVE.

Number 10 sort of reminds me of the Serenity Prayer that has often been a real lifesaver for me.

So, if I'm reading the 12 steps correctly , the next time you get one of those "clam shell" wrappings - feel free to take a chainsaw to it.

Then place all the pieces and your receipt neatly in your Wal-Mart bag and return it. Explain what happened. I'm sure they'll give you back your money -  and may even throw in a new blade.

We've all been there.