CAN YOU HEAR IT?

Can you hear it? No, seriously, forget about the tree falling in the woods scenario.

Can you hear it? The silence, that is.

It happens each year in our tiny community located in Bradenton, Florida on the Gulf Coast.

It is the sound of silence, and Simon & Garfunkle have nothing to do with it. Yet, it is beautiful music to this guy's ears.

It is the sound after 3/4 of our residents leave for their northern homes. It is so peaceful you can't even hear any griping.

I say 3/4- or 75%- because of having been told there are approximately 400 homes in the community and after all the snowbirds return to "snowbird heaven" - there are approximately 100 residential homes that still remain occupied.

This greatly reduces the chance that the 4 to 6 people who, in- season, previously stopped to have an impromptu chat on the street directly behind the blind spot in the mirrors of your car will be in jeopardy now.

So, do I hate snowbirds? No, not really. They greatly reduce the restaurant seating times - when they leave.

With fewer occupied homes around me I might even be bold enough to turn up the volume on my favorite "Tchaikovsky For Teatime" CD.

Ok, enough of the snowbird baiting.

There are snowbirds who come down here, from the USA as well as other countries, that we welcome with open arms:"Love dem Brits!"

Had I met Larry Leonard, the "snowbird guy" next door from Minnesota, way back when I was trying to help raise kids - I would have definitely asked him to sign up as their Godfather.Classy guy!

Let's talk finances for our 55+ little community.

We have a monthly maintenance fee down here of only $150, a bargain when compared with that charged (plus occasional assessments) by the more "upscale" communities that are located nearby.

That fee provides us with water, basic cable, sewer, refuse removal 3 times a week, individual landscaping clippings and tree branch removal, the occasional potluck dinners, free access to an in-park Book/DVD/VCR library, our post office, a card game/billiard parlor, laundromat, and a pool that is the envy of almost any community around us.

We get these services 12 months a year and gladly pay for them.

Included are updated messages via an in-house TV channel as well as a monthly newsletter. Residents also have access to a fax machine, and printer.

We also have regularly scheduled social functions - including trips - that we can either choose to attend or skip as we please.

The current offering of a trip to Washington DC, particularly if by bus, might be too big a challenge for us. The short trip up to the casino with fellow residents appeals to many, but we still prefer to drive.

The biggest advantage of that choice, as we see it, is you don't have to stick around and listen to the clanging of the slot machines when you've gone broke but your fellow residents received a second financial wind - usually while seated in front of the same machine you recently abandoned.

Because of our location in Florida we are able to easily arrange several cruise trips with little hassle.There is a woman in the community who gathers all the information and serves as our cruise and broadway play planner.

Within the last 12 months some of the community homes not "up to par" or (rundown?) have been removed and the empty lots advertised for occupancy.

This should result in more "new" structures being brought in, enhanced landscaping, and increased property values.

Already, a huge community landscaping project has been started by the community - at no extra costs. It is truly beautiful.

The repaving and repairing of our roads was completed last year.

You got to wonder if there was a convenience store included within the boundaries of the park one some of the residents would start talking about incorporating. (Just kidding).

Alas, incorporation is not an option. However, we do have two convenience stores within a short walk or bike ride distance to the left and right of the front entrance to our park.

Now, back to the snowbirds.

Most of these latter folks are enjoying the beauty of two location living. At one time we did also. Finally, we got tired of trying to figure in which state we had left "dis or dat". Unfortunately, advancing age was coupling up with fading memory.

Despite selling our homes up north we even gave two-residence living a second look while visiting Pennsylvania last year for 2 1/2months.

The housing prices were tempting. However, the need to furnish a second home, after practically giving away a lot of our furniture coming down here fulltime 5 years ago, was not quite as tempting.

As year-round Florida residents in our 55+ community we pay only one fourth of the fees collected for all the amenities listed above.

That coupled with being beneficiaries of The Homestead Act and no state income tax seems to have validated our decision to become Floridians.

We can always temporarily regain our northern accents via car,bus, train, and/or plane should we get tired of year round Florida living.

Don't know about the rest of the "non-snowbird" residents - but, I fully appreciate the huge financial input made by the snowbirds to the community budget and our many community conveniences.

Backing out of our driveway for a period of 6 months at a speed of 1to 2 mph (in season) does not really seem to constitute that much of a sacrifice, when we look at the big picture.

Besides, with all the exercise the snowbirds get when they're down here they're pretty fleet-a- foot and a fairly evasive target.

The silence is also welcome.