"MONDAY MEANDERINGS?"

Recently, an e-mail arrived in the middle of my contemplation as to how to determine whether I'm in the Autumn or Winter of my Life.

The question was sent to me by a person whose intelligence and insightfulness I value. It was fun to address, and your response would also be greatly appreciated.

Meanwhile, another E-mail was received regarding the philosophy of Scientist (comedian)Steven Wright. His identity as a "scientist" may be questionable but his insight is not. Hope you agree.Some will be familiar.

Here are some of his scientific conclusions:

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back."

"Half the people you know are below average."

"99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

"82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot."

"A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory."

"If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain."

"All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"I almost had a psychic girlfriend .. but she left me before we met."

"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"

"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"

"If everything seems to be going well - you have obviously overlooked something."

"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

"When everything is coming your way - you're in the wrong lane."

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."

"Hard work pays off in the future - laziness pays off now."

"I intend to live forever - so far, so good."

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"What happens if you get scared to death twice?"

"My mechanic told me,'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?"

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."

"Experience is something that you don't get until just after you need it."

"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread."

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."

"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."

"The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it."

"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film."

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."

And the favorite of both the e-mail sender and myself:

"If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?"

Happy Monday