COMMUNICATIONS & RESOLUTIONS

On my way back home from explaining the dangers of global warming to a group of Florida farmers, I started thinking about communications. Obviously, I had said something to disturb them. The guy with the pitchfork just missed me.

Communication is so important but, so abused in my estimation.

Take one of my favorite examples: "A person of knowledge of the situation stated that in a recent meeting the White House obtained indisputable information as to the date, time, and place of Armageddon. The person spoke to the AP on condition of anonymity because the meeting was to remain confidential."

C'mon now. That's communication?

It's sure not resolution.

Speaking of which: This is about the time most of us have usually broken our well intentioned New Years resolutions. We're back on the couch and the new treadmill is now the resting place for our fancy schmancy new workout clothes; in plain sight of the potato chips & dip.

C'mon man - it's the playoffs!

Don't sweat it (pun intended). Let's face it. Most of the guys you know - at least the ones you like to drink with - are doing the same thing.

I made my resolutions for years. But, I made the mistake of telling folks what those resolutions were. Bad idea!

People couldn't wait to tell my significant other or the kids when they caught me smoking, sneaking into Baskin-Robbins or doing anything in contradiction to my expressed good intentions - that I, unfortunately, had shared way too often.

At first, I stopped telling anyone about my resolutions. That still didn't make me any better at keeping them.

So, I gave up and concluded I was just about as perfect as I was ever going to be

But, I had become used to that whole end of year resolution stuff.

After much cogitation and head scratching I decided my new approach for the New Year was to make "reverse" resolutions.

Let me explain how this works. Instead of making New Years "prospective" resolutions for improvement in the New Year, I do the whole thing in reverse.

In some ways it's almost as difficult as making new resolutions. Don't scoff. Dreams die hard.

Take 2011. This year I finally conceded that I just was never going to play in the NBA. That was my New Year's resolution and I'm resolved to stick to it.

"So, Doc/Phyl/ whomever - don't even think of coming a calling."

I found Some New Year's "reverse" resolutions are tougher to keep than others.

Last year I gave up on Sophia Loren and me running off to the Greek Islands together. That one was a crusher! But, I resolved to accept it anyway. Hey, that's just the kind of guy I am.

In 2004 I gave up all hopes that Michael Anthony would come to the house and announce that I was the latest millionaire selected by J. Beresford Tipton. When the bell rings I haven't run to the door in over 7 years - or even walked rapidly, I might add.

Two years ago I took down my Charles Atlas poster from inside my closet door . That year I resolved to also gave up my dreams that the next time I saw that bully again on the beach I'd demonstrate to him what that whole "dynamic tension" thing had done for my body, by beating
the "bejeesus" out of him. Kick sand in my face, huh buddy?

That was a biggie also. I visualized it every night before going to sleep. I'm ashamed to admit I occasionally even included it in my prayers.

That also was the year I vowed to stop going to that particular beach.

One year I gave up my hopes that upon my demise I'd stand in front of St. Peter at the Pearly gates and he would look at me and say, "Relax, Bar. What say we go two out of three?"

In 1998, I resolved to accept the reality that Cary Grant would never look back at me from the bathroom mirror as I started to shave. No matter how many times a day I would shave each day - it just wasn't happening.

But, that's all in the past. Next year, I'm thinking of going all the way and give up on owning that beachhouse at St. Croix.

I know I can do it if I put my mind to it

You might even say, " I'm resolved to do it".