Politically Correct

My Dad was right. Age does give you the confidence that you can say almost anything without fear of reprisal. Much of the material or strong opinions expressed in my blogs come from stuff I've simply stolen from others. In that way I'm sort of the Milton Berle of bloggers.

This blog is no different - it's from an E-mail and it made me laugh. I hope you do also. I translated it into the first person.

It's time for me to finally become politically correct. I will no longer refer to Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians as "hillbillys". In all future communication they shall be recognized as "Appalachian- Americans".

But, I'm willing to go even further down this slippery slope: That woman I was dissing because I thought she was a dumb blonde has now become a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Super Highway".

No longer will I refer to someone's wife as a "nag". Now, she's just "Verbally Repetitive".

I will resist saying about some female that she "has been around". From now on she is "A Previously- Enjoyed Companion".

When I hear someone refer to a woman at a bar as a "Two-Bit Hooker" I will correct them and advise that she really is helping our economy as a "Low Cost Provider"

I will share my affinity for being politically correct in describing the male generation as well:

Those thought to have a "beer gut" will now be correctly referred to as a "Liquid Grain Storage Facility".

If I see one of my peers making fun of me on a dance floor I will remind him I am no longer to be considered "a bad dancer". Instead, I prefer to be thought of as being "Overly Caucasan".

While we have observed many young men who appear to be "balding" - my new sensitivity will alert me to describe them as being "In Follicle Regression".

The Eagles fan I met up at Firkin's & Fox as we were watching the Steelers/Bengal debacle will no longer have to suffer my insults and be referred to as a "Total Ass". Now I will tell others he has simply developed a case of "Rectal-Cranial Inversion".

Finally, when I see young impressionable adults titter and refer to seeing some guy's "crack" hanging out of his pants I will instruct them to forever think of it as "Trouser Cleavage".

Just think of me from now on as your personal "PC Dude".