Customer Service - The Alphabet Game

Someone was kind enough to mention recently that they enjoyed our telephone message - and the sound of my voice as - I delivered a clear concise message.

My kind wife, whose job requires her to use the phone much more than I, tells me she has heard similar comments from clients & employees.

Those favorable comments puzzle me. Let me explain. The feedback suggests to me in sort of a multiple-choice fashion:

A. My message is well organized, or
B. My syntax is easy to understand, or
C. I have more intelligence than "a pet rock".

Here's the source of my so-called puzzlement. They are called Customer Service Representatives - or CSR's - in current "corporate speak". In my recent telephone conversations with CSR's I find the correct answer to my multiple choice question is: D - "None of the above".

The CSR's work for either the local cable company, a large utility company, or one of the largest banks in the country. The marketing departments assured us that if we had a problem we would receive compassion, information, and understanding. (CIU)

We did have a problem and found the marketing people lied. Greeted by a recorded message asking us to wait while they were serving other customers, the message also told us we were valued and important.

The voice on the recording also lied. If they were serving other customers it must have been at a barbecue and the "other customers" were on a spit
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When they finally got on the line, these CSR's told me at various times either my problem can't occur, they don't understand the nature of my questions, and/or finally, whatever went wrong was my fault. I believe this latter technique is referred to as deflection and is not conciliatory.

Assuming she ever had one, my guess is each of the CSR's we encountered would have found their way onto even Mother Theresa's "enemy" list.

I don't know about you, but the CSR's I have the most difficulty with are those I refer to as: Overseas Operators, (O.O's). They are working because they are the beneficiaries of Customer Service outsourcing. (CSO).

You may ask why we're outsourcing these jobs when unemployment is at a recent all time high. I have two theories: The corporations can hire O'O's for a little bit less than the Dutch paid the indians for Manhattan. (2) It's a great gimmick to increase CEO bonuses.

They cut costs by greatly reducing service and then reap the benefits of the decreased costs by putting the money back in circulation in the form of executive bonuses.

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with cutting costs. There is something wrong if you do it at the expense of practically eliminating Good Customer Service (GCS)

At one point GCS was one of the highest priority goals a corporation could have. Companies bragged about their ranking in customer service surveys. Unfortunately, GCS & Ethics appear to have left the Corporate building at the same time, skipping out of the foyer, holding hands.

It's all about the money, gang; and you are the victims of this new attitude.

Why did they eliminate good customer service? Answer: Because they could. At some point you come to realize the "service" company to whom you are writing an increasing larger check each year no longer works to please you - unless you own stock.

Recently, a conversation with a O.O. was going so bad I asked to speak with her supervisor, hoping for a friendly advocate with whom I could have some reasonable discourse regarding my problem.

I asked for and reached a supervisor who clearly was conversant in my native tongue. She promptly proceeded to perform all the diversionary tactics I listed above. I was in hostile territory and getting nowhere.

The supervisor, Tony, was well named, and spoke down to me in the most aristocratic manner I could imagine. I was now "the pet rock".

I was surprised. It was like I was a doctor gently using a small rubber mallet on someones knee to test their reflexes. The knee remained firmly in place, but, the patient's hand jerked across their body and punched Doctor Barry in the mouth.

I decided to become a facilitator with Supervisor Tony: "Tony, I seem to be causing you to get upset as your responses do not seem to match my questions. Perhaps, I'm not making myself clear. I obviously am not doing a good job of communicating my problem. Therefore, I apologize and would like the opportunity to start over."

For those of you who remember your old elementary school reading material, please know that I used my best Dick & Jane logic, short of saying: "This is Spot. Spot is a dog. See Spot run?"

We found a common ground. Perhaps Tony & I had the same reader. I obtained the information I was seeking and our conversation ended with Tony and me agreeing not to exchange Christmas cards.

Now, some of you reading this explanation may see me as a coward or a weakling. The fact is I just didn't want to have to make one more phone call.

Besides, the technique I employed used to be a textbook example of "good customer relations" (GCS). Our raises, or lack of same, were based on our success in that area.

To me it was as simple as "Always Be Conciliatory" or "A.B.C", as it would be known in "corporate speak" these days.