HEAVEN?

It wasn't just in my aging years that I've been curious about the workings of and the existance of Heaven.

Of the many sources I've sought out about the subject - partially due to being well churched in my later years - I found I enjoyed the New Testament Church vision the most. They tell us God forgives our sins and offers hope via what they claim is a fool- proof method of making Heaven become my final resting place.

Unfortunately, despite their assurances and good intentions, after reviewing both real or imagined transgressions of my life to date, I have my doubts.

There have been days when I came away with the conclusion I'd have a better chance of passing the Bar exam on the first try.

The Bible has given us several stories of folks who "discovered the light" after living a disparate lifestyle. Assuredly, Paul, who was first introduced to us as Saul, a truly mean dude - through his transformation and his lengthy communications thereafter - has provided many of us with hope and guidance.

C.S. Lewis - a similarly reformed author - also gave us considerable insight via his delightful "Screwtape Letters".

Even admitted atheist-comedian W.C. Fields suggested it's never too late to think about the possibility of finding a path to Heaven when his biographer Gene Fowler observed him on his death bed reading the Bible.

Fields, when questioned by Fowler , copped out in that expected manner of his - and simply stated,  "I'm looking for loopholes."

Don't know about you, but I have to admit that through the years I've asked myself, "What is Heaven really?  What does it look like? "What are my chances of getting there?"

I admit to having unholy suspicions when realizing that, despite so much space exploration, nobody has come back with any snapshots of Heaven. I can only assume the reason is that NASA is really hellbent on controlling astronaut voyeurism.

Evangelist Tony Evans - who I met in Hershey of all places - has in several of his sermons provided a description of Heaven that suggests it is the most glorious and by far biggest shopping mall like gloriosity you could imagine - and, I suppose, with no shopping carts carelessly disposed of  randomly throughout the the parking lot.

More recently, authors Mitch Albom and Todd Burpo - among others - have provided a glimpse of Heaven to any us possibly less devout and on the cusp.

But my search for real meaning has led me again to that master author - Mark Twain - allegedly known as "Sammy" only to his close friends.

Per Twain:

(Man) "For instance, take this sample: he has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race - and of ours - sexual intercourse!

It's as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed-for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water."

And, from the same source ("Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings") :

"Now then, in the earth these people cannot stand much church - - an hour and a quarter is the limit - and they draw a line at once a week. That is to say, Sunday. One day in seven; and even then they do not look forward to it with longing. And so - - consider what their heaven provides for them: "church" that lasts forever, and a Sabbath that has no end!

They quickly weary of this brief  hebdomadal Sabbath here, yet they long for the eternal one; they dream of it, they talk about it, they think they think they are going to enjoy -- with all their simple hearts they think they think they are going to be happy in it."

Hey, you got to admit - it's definitely something to "they think" about - particularly if you're wondering if it may be too late in life for any hope of inclusion.

NOBODY ASKED ME, BUT - - -

Nobody asked me, but - - -

Is it just my imagination that various uninvited charity mailings containing name and address labels arrive as a perverted interpretation of the Maltusian theory on food production and population? In my case, the less snail mail I produce - the more free name and address stickers I receive.
----------------------------------
Is there any memory more satisfying that that of pulling into your driveway after a tough work day and spying your young child sitting in the living room window anxiously awaiting your arrival?
---------------------------------------
Many quotes are attributed to Albert Einstein. "Two of my favorites are: "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has it's limits."

The second quote, and one which I experienced first hand recently, is "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-----------------------------------
Is there anything more beautiful than the glow on the face of a newly pregnant woman? Okay, there is the other one - but this is a family blog.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Making a decision on cremation and then paying for it is part of a life cycle. We start out as kids being required to practice the three "R's" - "Reading , Riting, and Rithmatic" and,when we get old we, of our own volition, practice two entirely different "R's": "Resolution and Resignation."
--------------------------------------------------
Isn't it amazing that you can sit on your back porch as Seniors looking up at those "huffy puffy clouds and still enjoy making cloud pictures like you did back when you were a kid or a young lover?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In referring to a recent comment I made about the electoral process, I believe most voters go to the polls appearing to have watched too much TV.

By repeatedly voting for incumbents for whom they profess little love, they appear to be like characters in a Frito-Lay ad. They can't seem to eat just one.

Conversely,  Every two or four years we seem to enjoy playing a political form of TV dramas' Russian Roulette by expecting there will be no bullet in the electoral chamber this time.(see Einstein above)
---------------------------------------------
Can you experience any more satisfaction than that of this unemcumbered retiree who - while seated in his favorite lounge chair in front of the TV - feels the soft tiny stuffed animal which our 2.7 lb Chihuahua has just placed on the top of one of my bare feet?
-------------------------------------------------------
Are some people just plain cruel and insensitive - or is it our fault that their actions and words simply reflect our terribly misplaced expectations?
-----------------------------------------
Do you still feel the sensation that your hearing isn't as bad as you suspected when you take the time to sit in the dark late at night  - with your libation of choice - and listen to that favorite quiet soothing music you still enjoy?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you watch the latest edition of "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire"' - and still have some semblance of a memory left - do you also sub-consciously think of the movie "Quiz Show" back in 1994 - or the quiz show "21" participant Charles Van Doren?.

I can still recall those days when my entire family sat around our first TV, totally enraptured by answers provided by the contestants, while sitting in those "isolation booths".

If you're old enough, chances are your ability to forget the negative side of those "old days" is about as successful as when you are listening to the William Tell Overture and trying not to think about "The Lone Ranger."

No accusations here. Just reflecting on the workings of the human mind.
-----------------------------------------
Did God give us our sense of smell solely so we could hold a new baby up to our cheeks and enjoy both the softness and the smell of their skin?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Should you as an adult - a seasoned movie and entertainment fan - cancel your People magazine subscription when you come to the conclusion you seldom  recognize any of the celebrities featured between it's covers - or anybody elses?
-----------------------------------------
Is there anything more reassuring than knowing and shouting out the correct answer to the "Final Jeopardy" Question when none of the three bright contestants on the panel seem able to recall it?

Hey, just thinking. But, nobody really asked me.

THE MEMO

It's true the world has become much more complicated for guys like me who are still plodding along with old school ethics. Honesty and accuracy were a big thing back in the day; but perhaps a little less so now.

(and no, thank you, I don't care to address the cigarette industry's explanation about "the T zone")

Political ads like the ones running between the two camps for Florida governor Rick Scott and his opponent, former governor and new wannaby Charlie Crist
have me in a constant state of confusion - which is only slightly smaller than the State of Rhode Island.

The problem is each campaign team is attacking the records of the other and incredulously  are using the same alleged examples to try to make their point.

Therefore, if you're listening with only one ear it's difficult to determine which candidate the political ad is attempting to support - as well as what they did or did not do while in office.

But, that's politics and apparently we don't pay much attention to political ads anyway.

I reach that conclusion because pre-election we continue to be polled and tell those doing the polling we overwhelmingly don't like the incumbent and then go out and vote most of them back into office.

But, confusing views are not restricted to politics.

There's a lot of "Eaching" going on due to the constant repetition of TV ads beating us over the head with their alleged "truisms".

 "Each' day we are deluged with advertisements from a drug company's representatives. "Each" ad - which appears to be a little more aggressive with "each" showing "each" day -is dunning the quality of their competitors product. "Each" one also is claiming their medication is the one proven to give us the best results.

In the Sullivan household we (okay, ME)  sometimes swear to ourself that  one grizzled old guy out there in an TV ad  - shooting hoops with an obviously coordination challenged youth - is the same one we saw a few months ago in a advertisement for a competing product.

Repetition  - when combined with old age - will do that to your memory sometimes.

Fortunately, by the time each commercial finishes telling you all of the bad things that may happen to you from ingesting or injecting their product - you tend to reach for the old reliable Bayer aspirin bottle, instead - and forget about their claims.

The end result of these advertising deluges - costing the drug companies millions (probably billions) of dollars is that many of us walk away not knowing who to believe - if anyone - and, because of advertising expense, we will never see the price of their products come down to a point it will fit our family pocketbook.

And, fortunately for you, I won't even attempt to tackle the attorney ads in an attempt to support my point.

I mean, if we want the straight scoop on something - we go to the sports pages anyway. Right?

That's what I thought too, until this morning when reading about the election of the new MLB commissioner Rob Manfred. Two of USA Today's columnists or contributors covered this occurrence as well as the current state of professional baseball.

One guy, Bob Nightingale - a regular contributor wrote: "The biggest obstacles facing Manfred will be to help modernize the game, with attendance stagnant for the past decade and with declining national TV ratings."

The other guy, Paul White, reported: "Baseball revenue has steadily increased to record levels - projected to be in the $9 billion range this year. Teams are lining up record TV contracts."

My question is: Which guy didn't get the "memo"?

THE BACK-UP PLAN - JUST IN CASE

I couldn't be more pleased to follow the Pittsburgh Pirates experiment of having their third baseman Pedro Alvarez practice at first base - a entirely new position for him as third base has always been his assigned positon in professional baseball.

The guy's a great athlete - whose muscle memory in throwing the ball - may just be on the fritz.

However, the benefit to his team - working so hard to make the playoffs - maybe even win their division - is that you now have a guy with a two position skill set.

In addition, his manager, Clint Hurdle claims Pedro is one of the hardest working players on the team.

Pedro may not become the next Don Mattingly or Keith Hernandez - with several golden gloves between them - but it won't be for not trying. In addition, it should be beneficial to have his bat back in the lineup.

My only question - assuming I have my facts right - is " Why did it seem to take so long to try the experiment?"

I agree one stumbling block may have been the different skills required to play first base versus third - despite the fact first base has often been the last position played by several pros on a farewell tour.

To this "retired athlete" it would seem one of the additional bonuses to having Pedro play there - even if only occasionally as he learns this new position - will be his opportunity to gain an entirely different perspective on the game.

O.K, a less serious and more informed discussion.

My knowledge of baseball - particularly the professional kind - is almost nil - ending in my failure to react acceptably to a curve ball in pony league. This is no doubt why I gravitated to slow- pitch and 3/4 motion softball in my later 20+ playing years.

Even in that setting I didn't set the world on fire - but, I had a lot of fun and it was a great place to babysit my 4 kids while their Mom was working 3 to 11 shifts at Pittsburgh's Mercy Hospital.

Now, you don't have to be the sharpest knife in the drawer to know there's a big difference between playing professional baseball and messing around with the alternative choice as so many of us did.

However, it does give you some perspective.

My recollections of the intertwined sports of baseball and softball was the mechanics (as well as that skill set) differed greatly.

Reflecting on my holiday tournament days, it's doubtful if Major League management allows you to drink alcohol between the first and second games of a double-elimination tournament (the past Red Sox experiment to promote conviviality among their players notwithstanding).

Secondly, even when the Pros did consume alcohol during a game, it's doubtful their players engaged in this behavior while lying in the grass on a hot day for a 3 or 4 of hours under a grueling sun, attempting to "cool one-self down" while awaiting their teams second chance.

One Memorial Day, during a second game - I watched an outfielder trip and fall over his can of beer while attempting to retrieve an infield overthrow - an egregious error. The jeers and laughter intertwined.

As most serious beerdrinkers will assure you, having a teammate spill a beer is considered by his buddies to be a serious and disastrous infraction - particularly if he was the  guy who retrieved the last cold one.

Most definitely, recreational softball - and the valuable lessons learned - only serve to illustrate the distinct difference between the two sports.

That comparison does not include the semi-pro version of softball where our good friend and pitcher Jack O'Connor was selected as "All World" in a championship tournament held in Detroit.

Perhaps Jack's biggest test, however, was his willingness to be the Pitcher on a few of our bar-sponsored teams during his semi-retirement years. Quite a unique  experience, as well.

"Back in the day", some of the more successful recently retired former Pittsburgh Pirates experienced firsthand the difference in the two sports when they attempted - with mixed results - to extend their ballplaying career by signing up for Jack's semi-pro softball league.

Timing the pitch was only one of the many adjustments required.

In addition, when you're trying to field your position while slipping and sliding on a wet and muddy softball field, you quickly become aware a Zamboni crew doesn't magically appear on the field when it rains.

There is one valid comparison, however.

If you're playing the outfield - pitching - even wearing the tools of ignorance - in either sport - you must quickly adapt to the necessity of  backing up the play when teammates #1 thru 6  are "throwing the ball around" the infield in search of an out or two.

The results can be "disastrous"'  - even without the beercan obstacles.

So, my unsolicited advice to the current Pirate management is:

"Take it from a washed up old holiday tournament veteran; better work on a back-up plan for your experiment - just in case."

COMEDY - WE NEED MORE OF IT.

One of our favorite TV shows is "Whose Line Is It Anyway"

It's a show based on improvisional humor performed by three regulars: Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, and Ryan Stiles, as well as various guests.

If you've ever attempted improv humor you realize just how difficult it is.

I grew up in a 3/4 Irish household that had a lot of humor when we were all younger and less serious about life.

One of my favorite memories is when my two brothers and myself had the guts to give it a try while sitting around the Sunday dining room table  enjoying one of Mom's fantastic roasts, garnished with potatos and carrots.

The "roasts" included much more than the food.

While we probably didn't realize it at the time, I still believe most of the comedy was dry humor we had inherited mostly from our dad - before all of our lives became much more serious.

The beauty of  the one liners was that it was ad-lib humor with Mom mostly the target, but included Dad - when we worked up the nerve.

Mom usually took it well and occasionally had a great comeback - which, if you enjoy humor, you don't resent it - you invite it.

Perhaps, that was because she was comfortable in that setting and just enjoyed having us all together at a time in which life was beginning to take her three boys in different directions.

Another reason may have been because Mom really didn't have much of a choice, being the only female seated around a table of five.

It was a time before making fun of your Mom - or any female for that matter- became both politically incorrect and proof of your male insensitive ways to so many.

That's a shame. Humor need not be perceived as hurtful. Often it's a demonstration of how much you like and enjoy someone. I am, as are many - many others - a great fan of  my wife Phyl's sense of humor - even when I become the occasional target.

I'm convinced that humor - as well as the people who practice it - is an inherited trait. Perhaps, it's just my imagination, but I seem to fall in most comfortably when trading humorous attempts with folks - both male and female - of Irish heritage.

It was not unusual for me to hear, after introducing our Dad to my friends and co-workers, "Now we know where you get your sense of humor." Therefore, when in my 20's and early 30's Dad sometimes became a welcome addition to our entourage.

I may still have a copy of  one-liner humor between my brother Tom and myself  when he invited me to visit him in California in the 70's, and we traded jibes on tape while attending "The Swap Meet.".

Not only did we sound alike back in those days - causing Tom to occasionally respond when I called, "Is this me?" - but, our humor was similar.

I believe our dry humor was more appreciated "back in the day". I base this upon the many blank facial responses I get down here in "seniorland' when tempted to begin a comeback tour.

Of course, it might just be my faded memory of comedic timing, but Phyl warns me that not all people understand my attempts at humor. I kinda picked that up on my own, but still appreciate the advice.

Apaprently like good scotch - dry humor is an acquired taste - so I dip my humor pen in the water less frequently these days.

However, I still enjoy those folks with whom I can trade those one-liners  - (probably equally twisted people) - as we bask in the smiles and outright guffaws that our combined efforts generate - even among ourselves.

While I miss playing golf , I miss the jokes and camaradie even more.

For now, do yourself a favor and turn to the TV listings for The CW - and enjoy good comedy - even if possibly a little ribald at times for some tastes.

"Comedy - we "definitely" need more of it.

PROOF- READING - A DYING ART

Despite diligently doing my proof- reading of my blog, and feeling satisfied I had cleaned things up - I then push "publish" - only to discover either my proof- reading or my eyesight has let me down again.

Apparently, I'm not alone with my proof -reading problems. Friend and former Harrisburg neighbor Rick Coe recently sent along an email which offers "proof" of that.

Here are some of the examples - taken from various headlines that managed to slip by somebody's attention.

MAN KILLS SELF BEFORE SHOOTING WIFE AND DAUGHTER
(Apparently a "life after death" experience is to blame!)

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS.
(Really? Nothing get's past the FAA!)

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
(Now, that's taking things WAY too far.)

PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
(What a guy!)

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
(Republican warning:"See what happens when Unions abuse their power!")

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
(Apparently the courts are getting tougher!)

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE
(I can see where it might have that effect!)

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY - IT MAY LAST AWHILE
(Ya think?)

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
(Who would have thought?)

ENFIELD (LONDON) COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE
(Did France's Inspector Clousseau move to England?)

RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES
(You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)

MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING: FACES BATTERY CHARGE
(He probably IS the battery charge!)

NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP
(Makes one wonder just how fat you have to be in order to be eligible!)

ASTRONAUT TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
(Perhaps he should have passed on the freeze dried brocolli !)

KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
(Do they taste like chicken?)

LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF
(Surely, more study is required here!)

HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
(Caution: These guys aren't just tall - they're pi--ed!-  and they have weapons!)

TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD
(Feel free to add your own caption.)

ENJOY!